Finding my way back to you
by wotcher98
Summary: Insecurities and doubt tore them apart; now unexpected events have thrown them back together. Read as Remus and Tonks find their way back to each other. Harry Potter belongs to J. K. Rowling
1. Chapter 1

_This is a different twist to Remus/Tonks story. Though this is not AU, their story is not canon compliant._

* * *

_Late June, 1995_

Last time he had visited Hog's Head was when he had been a teacher at Hogwarts. How time could change everything in one moment was no longer such a mystery to Remus; he'd had far too much experience with life's fickleness. There was a time when he had visited the _Three Broomsticks_ and people had greeted and acknowledged him as Professor Lupin; now that it had been over a year since his secret had came out, no one ever spared a glance in his direction. He was not even considered worthy enough for a chilly '_Hello_'.

So here he was, sitting in a grimy and dusty seat within _Hog's Head_, alone in a corner, with none for company except his own misery. He couldn't even look out at the streets for his own entertainment, as the window was almost opaque with dust. He had always wondered why Aberforth didn't just spell away the grime; maybe it was all a part of the '_charm'_ of the _Hog's Head_.

He sighed deeply and wrapped his palms around his tumbler of whisky. He had been sent out by a sulking Padfoot to buy an infinite amount of firewhisky or ' _Anendless supply of all kinds of alcohol because variety would forever be the spice of life_' as Padfoot had put it. Probably for first time in his life, his pocket was full with the unfamiliar sound of clinking galleons.

What had his life came to? Though he was more than glad to have Sirius back. He wasn't the same anymore. But who would be after spending endless days and nights in a prison? Hell, he himself wasn't the same anymore. His past had marked him permanently and people dogged his steps even now.

Though things had only deteriorated for him ever since that fateful night in October, his life had experienced a brief yet beautiful phase in between...

He sighed and closed his eyes.

There wasn't a day when he didn't think about _her_...

He shook his head to clear away the image of her beautiful smile, pink blushing cheeks and twinkling dark eyes.

"...I can't thank you enough." He heard a female voice say, behind him while he swirled the golden liquid in his glass. Strangely enough, she didn't sound like a hag or of the normal crowd of Hog's Head. His werewolf senses absentmindedly picked up on the presence of two people behind him probably walking out the door.

"This is the last time I will do this, Amy, mind you."

His heart stopped beating in his chest and he froze completely.

There was no mistaking that voice.

The tone, the pitch, and the music of her voice were unmistakable. Even now.

_She_ had always sounded that way whenever she had been irritated or agitated about something.

He forgot to breathe as his whole self focused on the most important thing within the dodgy bar.

_She_ was here.

Barely inches away from him. Unaware of his presence as he sat foolishly like a statue.

The two women halted inches from him as the woman named Amy suddenly turned to face her companion. _She_, in reflex, placed her left palm on his table, to stop herself from tripping in surprise.

_Her_ hand was just centimeters away from his arm.

Oh God...

There was absolutely no mistaking those delicate hands. He was not hallucinating from the effect of too much alcohol. Even if his ears _were_ ringing and his stomach _was_ filled with slight flutters similar to nausea.

"I won't ask you do that again, I promise." the woman -Amy- answered, but he paid her no mind, as he was way too focused on the palm on the bar top, the same one that he had cradled on countless walks. The one that he had kissed the back of in countless romantic gestures...

Suddenly, He noticed something glinting in light... Something shiny...A ring... A ring on her left hand...On her ring finger...

He could almost feel his face go pale as his hands went cold, and his knees felt weak. They were wobbly when the realization sunk into his numbed mind... When the meaning of that ring sunk pass the denial of his tortured thoughts...

"Time will tell." _She_ said in reply and effectively walked away from the bar. Away from his life all over again.

He felt fairly nauseous. He knew for a fact that if he moved to even breathe that he would throw up. He felt more than a little faint. He could see himself shaking… Shaking with anger, with grief, and with an undeniable sorrow…

She had gotten married, Merlin... Married... To another man… To someone who wasn't him.

It had been more than three years after all... Had it really only taken three years for her to get over him?

In his dreams and within the boundaries of his fantasies he had always pretended that she was still his precious; he had lived in undoubtedly in denial. Had even dreamt of an alternate universe where they were allowed to be together...

But she had moved on. And not just moved on, but had gotten married.

Surely she must have dated that man a while before entering into marriage? So what, it had taken her only a few months to completely get over him. Assuming of course that she had started dating shortly after he left her?

But hadn't that been what he had wanted? What he had even prayed for when he had pushed aside his selfishness?

But Merlin, it hurt as hell seeing it recognized. It was like a thousand knifes were piercing into his heart. Wrenching his gut as they twisted deeper.

When he was certain that he was somewhat stable enough, he threw a few sickles on the table and apparated instantly within the main room of the pub. Something which wasn't allowed (Actually it was strictly forbidden) but he didn't particularly care at that point… How could he?

His heart was breaking again. It had broken a long time ago, but the final piece of his heart that had survived had given up the fight. It was now crumbled into little jagged pieces. He without thought apparated to a lonely abandoned alley and ran like a wolf. Exactly like the monster he was up into the mountains.

The whole times his eyes stung and he ran against gravity, up the mountains. He needed air…Because he needed her… And he couldn't have her.

His precious...

No not his... Not anymore.

He ran with an animalistic strength. The cool air that hit his face was a sharp contrast to the hot tears flowing down the lines of his cheeks.

He was suffocating...

Finally, he reached the cliff. He stopped directly on the edge. The place that had been a witness to so many adventures of his Marauder days. Days long withered away.

There on a place that uses to be a haven; He screamed with his full power. The scream tore his lungs on its way out. The scream that came unbidden out of his mouth was almost comparable to the one he gave while transforming. He was certain of it.

After a few seconds…hours…forever…the anger and adrenaline fled away and he dropped to his knees. Once he was settled he buried his head between them.

He always had dreaded the time he would see her again and he had been sure that he would have been able to maintain some amount of calm if the visit had been an awkward meeting but this was beyond his imagination.

She had affected him to madness. But than she had always been able to turn his sanity on its head.

While he crouched there in the cold grass, he like any true masochistic allowed himself to dwell on the past. On the countless times spent in her arms, the exact spot on his head that she had always lovingly kissed after full moons, the moments she had slept in his arms at night with pale moonlight throwing her features into sharp relief while he watched in awe, her overwhelming beauty both in and out. He remembered the way it had been with her. Her love, her laughter, and her hair...

As the memories swept his brain, he did something he hadn't done in a long, long time.

He cried.

* * *

Tonks stepped out of the _Hog's Head_ with her friend _and_ colleague Amy Walters snapping at her heels. She knew that she was deep in the roots of a sour mood. Amy, though she was her dear friend, was also one of the few people who exploited her metamorphmagus abilities to max. Usually she didn't mind though... _Much_... Because unlike some other lecherous men, her ideas and requests weren't that devilish.

Amy was a married woman with a very loving husband who after so many years of marriage still liked to surprise her with romantic picnics or dates. Today had been one of those days. It had started when Amy's husband, Alex had decided to take her on a romantic rendezvous. Though such gestures were sweet, even when they came out of the blue; it was almost always an inconvenience to Aurors. People who found it hard to fit anything out of ordinary in their schedule.

Tonks had been having lunch with her friend in the Ministry canteen. Amy had been fairly nervous as she had talked about a meeting scheduled with Irish Ministry delegates. She had been interrupted when a Ministry owl had brought a pink colored letter for her from her husband (Who worked close by in Department for Magical Education) informing her of their date.

There was where the problem came in. If Amy had gone impulsively with her husband, she wouldn't have been able to attend the meeting. And yet if she had attended the meeting, she would have had to refuse her husband for the fifth time in a row due to her tightened schedule. While Amy had been biting her nails in indecision; her eyes suddenly had gone wide and she had gotten a look on her face that had screamed trouble.

Amy had then proceeded to plead for Tonks to morph into a duplicate of Amy and attend the meeting as her, while she went to do Merlin knew what with her husband. Tonks had finally caved in when Amy had emotionally blackmailed her by saying with a puppy face, '_It's going to put a strain on my marriage sooner or later._' if she kept canceling on him. Though Tonks herself had a non-existent love life, she genuinely cared for her friends.

It was her love for her that had prompted to morph into her twin and go to a highly boring meeting. Her mouth still ached with all the fake smiling that she did during the very very long briefing.

"Alright Tonks, will you just spit out the anger now before you bust? Come on, you know I'll treat you to your favorite ice cream- Chocolate Brownie."

Tonks sighed. Chocolate Brownie ice cream was a weakness for her. It wasn't her favorite as she personally preferred Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream. But it was one of the few things she hadn't been able to give up completely. No one _really_ knew the true story behind her fondness for the ice cream. And she wasn't going to tell. Though she never said no to it, it always sent a stab of hurt through her heart when she heard its name.

She finally after deep breathes turned to face her friend.

"How did your date go? Did he spoilt you rotten? Are you happy?" Tonks finally asked the question for which all this hustle and decapitation had been about.

Amy gave a genuine smile, a smile that showed the gratitude she held for her friend.

"Tonks, it was wonderful. Thank you for agreeing to help." She said softly, her light brown eyes shining with adoration for the woman in front of her.

No matter how irritated she felt, Tonks could never remain angry at her friend for too long. She sighed and smiled back.

"Alright then. Your praise of your date just made my day a little better."

"Hey Tonks." Amy called as Tonks turned to apparate away with one last smile. "You still have something of mine."

Tonks felt puzzled for a moment, but she finally understood when she gave it some thought. Within seconds, she slipped the diamond ring from her finger and gave it to its original owner. Since, she had to look like a ditto copy of Amy; she had also worn her accessories and clothes, including her wedding ring. It was weird really, for they currently were in same clothes. Amy's clothes swamped Tonks; making her feel six again as she tried on Mum's clothes.

As Amy lovingly slipped the ring onto her finger, Tonks felt something clutch her heart. Something akin to envy.

Had things gone fine with...

No, It was of no use to think on that now. She had long ago moved pass that silly dream.

At least that's what she told herself.

"Let's go." Tonks spoke suddenly as she shoved aside all thoughts of sandy brown hairs flicked with grey and dark blue eyes.

* * *

_What do you think should I continue? I have only written this first chapter and I have no idea when I will update next, but I can promise that I will complete the fic if I get enough responses and will try my best to update as early as possible._

_Re-edited and beta'd by __**Stars may fall!**_


	2. Chapter 2

_Hello everyone! There's one thing I wanted to say, in my fic, Sirius won't be 'funny-always-non serious' character, but rather more like broody, depressed and rarely cheerful like a innocently imprisoned Azkaban escape should behave- as he behaved in original books- as if his original personality was lost. So excuse me if this Sirius fails to make you laugh._

_I hope from the first chapter you guessed what will be the main plot of the story; that Remus and Tonks were a couple few years back but the situation didn't work out and now they meet again._

_And yes, there will be plenty of flashbacks in future chapters._

_I do not own Harry Potter._

* * *

The kitchen really looked better than it had three days ago. Despite the dicey decor, the Order had been lucky nonetheless to find headquarters at such a short notice. The sooner they start; the more ahead they could be from the enemy.

Although same could not be said about the other rooms of Grimmauld Place. Remus simply had no clue what would happen to the person who would mistakenly stumble upon one of such rooms. That was why they desperately needed to clean, though now the head of _that_ department would Fabian and Gideon's sister Molly Weasley. He had met the woman few days ago, the mother of his several students, and had liked her instantly, though his gratitude towards her for taking care of Harry as a mother had been a deciding factor too. Weasleys were the most kind and humble pure blooded family he had ever met.

"You look miserable mate." Sirius entered, looking better but still rugged and clasped his back from behind, sitting at the head of the table with his feet propped up. "It's not even full moon soon."

Remus shrugged his shoulders. The truth was he had barely slept last night. All he did was tossing, turning and pacing. _Her_ absence had been acute last night and it had stung.

He had wondered, sheer out of habit, about what she would be doing at that time when a blood boiling and highly upsetting image of her sleeping with her _husband_, had popped up into his mind. It had driven him crazy to the extent of grabbing chunks of his own hair. He had paced and silently fumed.

"You didn't even bring the fire whisky last night." Sirius muttered.

"I am sorry, I forgot."

"You forgot to do the task, you initially went out for?"

He wished Sirius would stop asking questions. He knew he meant well, but his wound was still fresh and way too deep. The reason he hadn't been able to grab fire whisky, bought unpleasant recollection to his mind.

"I'll do it today, Padfoot. Promise." he looked at him, using his marauder nickname to placate him.

"You know, Moody is bringing another Auror for today's meeting." Sirius replied, completely changing the track of conversation.

"Really? Well, I am sure that would be good for the Order."

"Yeah... Did you make the roster for prophecy stakeout and that at Dolohov's house?"

Remus internally cringed. He had entirely forgotten...

"I am sorry it slipped my mind, I will do it right away. There's still half an hour in meeting." he said, getting up to grab parchment and quill hurriedly.

"Merlin, Remus what has gotten into you?" Exclaimed Sirius incredulously.

"Says the man who used to complete his homework at the eleventh hour." he tried not to sound snappish. "Cheer up, Black, I am sure Molly will be bringing something heavenly to eat." he tried to divert the topic. Ever since Sirius had escaped, food hadn't been a priority for him. Though he ate anything he found (including rats), that didn't mean that he hadn't missed good food. The first time Molly had bought some, Sirius had indulged himself like a pig.

As if on cue, Sirius's stomach grumbled and he shook his head.

He started preparing the roster, keeping in mind when the members were busy. This new Auror, Sirius mentioned, Remus knew it would be his responsibility to acquaint him to the Order works and methods; Dumbledore had especially requested him to do so for the new members. In last stakeout, he had accompanied the new member Kingsley in a guard duty. Though it almost turned out the other way round when Kingsley taught _him_ a few tricks. But he was a good man with a good heart, humble and kind and a damn good Auror.

Therefore, he paired himself with the new Auror.

While he had been making the roster, people have started coming; Emmeline, Hestia, Dedalus, Kingsley. Though Sirius couldn't be considered close friends to these people, Remus knew he was happy with the company nevertheless. Soon the Weasleys came too and the once quiet kitchen was filled with chatter of friends.

He guessed that Mad-eye had entered too when he heard the distinct thump of his wooden leg, though he didn't look up from his parchment as he wanted it done before Dumbledore arrived.

"Oh hello dear, you must be the new Auror Alastor talked about." he heard the distinct voice of Molly Weasley asking and with it the reply came:

"Wotcher! You must be Mrs. Weasley. Bill's and Charlie's mother. Call me Tonks."

Remus felt as if someone had punched him in the stomach, knocking out the air from him.

_Oh Merlin...!_

His hands shook, his forehead broke into cold sweat and his heart slowed down to a pace where he was sure he would get a heart attack. He looked up at achingly slow pace, felt as if his head had turned into lead.

He wasn't prepared for what he saw.

There in the middle of the room, _she_ stood, shaking hands with Emmeline, Hestia, introducing herself, with a polite smile on her face.

_Her face..._

He realized with a jolt that yesterday despite her being inches away from him, he hadn't exactly seen her. But right now, seeing that beautiful heart shaped face bought an astute ache to his chest.

He _really_ wasn't prepared for this.

Merlin, if anything, she had turned even more beautiful. She no more looked like an innocent young girl of eighteen but looked like a woman with an aura so bright, that it was capable of burning people with its intensity.

At least capable of burning him.

He suddenly wished he could apparate away, could leave the country, and could leave this world.

How in the name of Merlin will he be able to face her?

With it came another realization. _She_ was the new Order member, the new recruit. Someone he would be seeing on regular basis.

He really _really_ wasn't prepared for this…

"Is it the very same _Nymphadora_ _Tonks_?" he saw Sirius come in front of her, questioning with an unbelieving and astound expression on his face.

"Yes, though I go now by just Tonks." she beamed at her second cousin.

He had never seen such a wide grin on Sirius's face ever since he came back.

"Well then _Just_Tonks, come here and give your old cousin a hug." he said opening his arms and she gladly accepted the invitation.

"Merlin you are all grown up." he said pulling away and seeing her fondly while he held her at an arm's length. "Have you met my best mate?"

_Oh no, no, no..._

_Padfoot please..._

"Moony!"

But it was too late.

"Moony, this is my Cousin Andromeda's daughter, Ny- _Just_ Tonks, Tonks this is my best mate Remus." Sirius said happily, with his one arm still around her, unaware that world of the two people he was addressing, had just caved in.

Remus had never seen someone go pale _so_ quickly. Smile that once graced her lips had completely vanished and it looked as if she had been hit with a stunner.

He wasn't prepared to look in her chocolate brown eyes nor was he ready for _her_ to look into his eyes. It seemed as if she was capable of smouldering him just with her gaze.

What was that look on her face? Where her features contorted? Was it hatred?

He didn't think he could bear _hatred_ from her.

They kept staring at each other effectively forgetting that they were supposed to be strangers to others. Thankfully, others weren't paying attention and Sirius didn't seem to notice this slip as he was way too happy to meet someone he had thought long lost.

She quickly, set her features into a calm mask, gave him a vague fake smile and nodded in acknowledgement as if really she had just met him.

Just as she turned to Sirius, Sirius asked her, "How's Andromeda and Ted?" this time she gave a genuine smile, which he considered a difficult feat in such situation.

"I'll tell you _everything_ first let's settle down, isn't meeting about to start?"Sirius took her hand and while he seated himself on the head of the table, he made her sit next to him that is, absolutely in front of Remus.

She sat like it wasn't bothering her that she was sitting right across her long lost former lover.

Remus tried to control himself, tried to admonish about seeing her, but he couldn't keep a check on himself.

Merlin, it had been so many years since he had last seen her that he gave in to the desire of at least looking at her.

She looked _marvelous_. Her eyes were as always that beautiful shade of brown, that he had complemented endless times; her lips were pink curving into a nervous smile, pale cheeks, that heart shaped face with cute chin. She wore a red plain t-shirt with black blazer, and blue jeans, which weren't patched as much as her jeans _used_ to. Her hairs were bubblegum pink as it used to be except that today she wore them short.

While he had been watching her discreetly, Molly had engaged her in a conversation.

"So Tonks, will you be able to help us in cleaning this place? I know you are an Auror and you must be awfully busy, but if you could assist us in cleaning, you see my children will be moving..."

"Molly, I will help you but just know that I am not good in household spells..."

_How could I forget that...?_

"No problem dear, I will task you something that does not require wand, you see this place is filled with dark insects and pests..."

"Sure thing, so where's Bill and Charlie these days?"

"Oh well, Bill is a curse breaker; he had been in Egypt for few years but now he has joined Gringotts and well Charlie is still in Romania working with dragons. They must be so happy to know that you are an _Auror_ now."

He knew he was happy, _proud_ even. It had been her life dream and though his own dreams had shattered he couldn't be gladder that she had achieved what she had wanted.

"Oh definitely, look at the little girl I knew, who would have imagined would become such a tough Auror." Sirius, who had been listening to their conversation, said.

She self-consciously smiled at Sirius and looked surreptitiously at Remus from beneath her eye lashes as if to say_'you knew what being an Auror meant to me_.'

He tried to convey with his eyes _'I know, I am proud of you.'_

Dumbledore arrived with Snape at his heels and the babble died down. He greeted everyone; welcomed _'Miss. Nymphadora Tonks'_ as he had put in.

He wondered bitterly how was she still a _'Miss'_ and why her surname was still _'Tonks'_. Though the Dora he knew would have kept her surname after marriage along with her _husband's_.

The word _husband_ still made him nauseous.

While the meeting continued, he tried to pay attention, trying to forget that his _precious_, the nick name he had given her, the name he used to call her in private and intimate moments, was sitting just in front of him and he couldn't even touch her.

"Remus, I assume you have made the roster?" Dumbledore addressed him, breaking him out of his reverie.

"Yes, Albus..." he tried to sound calm and handed the parchment to Alastor.

Alastor started announcing everyone's name, informing them of when they had duty and who were their partners if any, when suddenly with a jolt, he remembered something...

He had placed _her_ name with _himself_...

They were to go together...

_Dear god..._

"I am assuming by 'new Auror' you meant Tonks?" Alastor's gruff voice bought him back to reality.

"Yes..." he nodded. Since he hadn't known who was the new member he had simply written it as 'new Auror'. He saw Do-_Tonks_ trying _not_ to acknowledge him.

"Alright, Tonks, you are with Lupin here. You will be on guard duty in front of Dolohov's house day after tomorrow; time- after 12:00 a.m."

This time she gave up her effort of _not_ looking at him.

She didn't look happy.

His felt his heart quicken, unknowingly, destiny had thrown them together _again_.

How was he going to spend such a _long_ duration of time with her, in dead of the night, under one invisibility cloak in close quarters without seeking her out to touch her, kiss her...

When she clearly was someone else's...

The thought acted like a bucket of cold water, plunging his dreams and washing them away.

He saw her clenching her fist and he felt his heart sinking.

Thankfully she didn't say anything.

With that meeting ended.

* * *

As chairs scraped against the floor and people got up, some heading to door while some lingering, she was in doubt about whether to stay or to move out of this stuffy kitchen as soon as possible.

On one hand there was Sirius; her mother's favorite cousin who was wrongly imprisoned, who was waiting anxiously for the meeting to get over so that he can know all about what his elder sister had been up to for past fourteen years.

On the other hand, well...

When Mad-eye and Kingsley have approached her, she had been honored that her mentor and senior thought her to be good enough to be in a movement against dark lord.

She had agreed though after a moment's hesitation, for few seconds she had doubted her ability to fight but at that end she had realized that she didn't really had a choice. She had become an Auror for a reason; to help in perishing darkness, to show the world that despite being related to scums such as Lestranges and Malfoys, she had grown out just fine.

Kingsley and Mad-eye then have told her everything about Sirius and Order and she had felt happy for her mother who had been vastly disappointed and heartbroken after Sirius's imprisonment.

But after they have left her flat, a thought had coursed through her body like lightning.

_He_ had been a part of first Order of Phoenix.

There was a hefty chance that he would be part of this second Order too, after all he had personal vendetta against you-know-who.

Granted he was alive or was still even in the country, she had thought bitterly.

She had heavily sat down on her sofa and had regretted saying yes to Mad-eye.

But had finally decided that _that_ phase of her life was long ago over where she took every decision of her life while keeping Remus Lupin in mind.

She had thought, like multiple times before, that what she would do if he ever came face to face with her. Because whenever she thought of him she experienced anger and hatred flow through her veins and then as the anger slowly ebbed away, it was replaced by a sense of betrayal and sadness.

Sadness because she was betrayed. Not because she missed him.

She often found herself wishing that he would meet her once, so she could tell him how well she was doing, despite his best attempts to destroy her. On the other hand, she never _ever_ wanted to see him, in case it brought back sweet turned bitter memories.

Three years back when _that_ had happened what shouldn't have, she had experienced the first and probably the worst depression of her life. For few weeks she had been completely unable to function. Had it not been for Mad-eye and her parents, she wouldn't have been able to cope, wouldn't have been able to come out of that deep pit of sorrow.

But they have helped her and though it had taken time, she had recovered.

The timing was crucial as she had been in Auror training programme by that time and her depression had affected her training. But with Mad-eye's devotion and her hard work, she had not only completed her training but had passed with flying colors except in stealth and tracking.

Mad-eye had known the reason of her depression and it had immensely surprised her that he was empathetic, that he hadn't lecture her about how love was waste of time as she had initially thought the case; he hadn't know the man's name.

So, for the past five days she had been preparing herself even if she also told herself that there also was a chance that he won't be there.

Tonks simply didn't know if she wanted him to be present or not.

When Sirius had shouted _Moony_, she had seen him and despite of mentally steeling herself, she had felt all the blood leaving her face, she had felt faint.

He had looked almost the same except the grey on his head had seemed to increase and his robes were shabbier.

True to her prediction, she had felt hatred...

And she had seen a look across his face that she knew too well.

_Shame_.

Well he should be ashamed; she had thought and had somehow managed to put on a fake smile.

She can be professional enough, she had reminded herself.

The worst had been when she had learned that she will have to be working with him, too soon. In fact her first duty would be with him.

She didn't know if she could be in close quarters to man who had caused her the _biggest_ heart break of her life, who had kissed her like she was cherished, who had been her first...

Absently her fist had clenched.

She hadn't been happy.

Now here she was hanging in uncertainty, when she reminded herself she needed to be professional. She was going to work with this man for a long time, better to start practicing from now on, to... To _tolerate_ him.

"I asked Dumbledore." said Sirius while seating himself beside her and she diverted her attention towards him. "He said Andromeda can be told about my innocence."

"That's wonderful Sirius! Mum would be so happy... Though I must admit she wouldn't be happy to learn that I joined the Order." she said genuinely feeling happy for both the cousins.

"Last time you were too small and therefore joining would have been a danger to _you_, and this time she probably thinks she's too old to fight." Sirius said in understanding.

"But look in here, Dedalus Diggle and Elphias Doge, they are way too old but they are fighting."

"You shouldn't hold that against her, Tonks, your mother is a brave, wonderful woman."

"You know you can call me Dora, after all, you were one of the very few people who agreed not to call me Nymphadora. Though Dad has got used to Dora, Mum still is adamant on my first name..."

Sirius chuckled. "So tell me, you don't have any younger siblings?" when she gave answer in negative, he said, "But why?"

"_Why?!_ God Sirius, I can't ask Mum that question, it would be way too awkward."

The two of them chatted for a long time, over a can of butterbeer and she forgot for few seconds that _he_ was supposed to be here too. Though when she looked around she realized he had probably left long ago.

She couldn't understand if it was relief or disappointment that she felt.

She could do it after all. She could handle Order and _Remus Lupin_ at the same time.

She finally reluctantly got up, telling Sirius that it was getting late with a promise that she would visit him soon.

Just as she was seeing herself out, she collided with a warm manly body.

So he hadn't left after all...

_He still smells the same_; she thought.

She didn't even bother to look at him more than a split second. She didn't need to be near him more than it required. She brushed past him as if he was a mere stranger on a street. Just as she was about to open the door she heard his voice.

"Goodnight, Pr- Do- Tonks."

She knew what he had initially wanted to say. _Goodnight, precious_, as he had said on so many nights, _Goodnight Dora_, as he had said so many times.

She didn't turn back, wrenched open the door, shutting it behind her with unwanted force, probably setting off that derange portrait in the hallway.

This time when she walked, she held her head high.


	3. Chapter 3

_Hello!_

_Here's the new chapter and I finally got a beta, **Stars May Fall**, who has agreed to not only beta this current fic but also my many others, so thank you there :)_

* * *

She was way too uncoordinated on her feet there was no doubt, but when her natural clumsiness was coupled with nervousness, she wasn't just a bane to her own existence, but also a disaster to those who were in her close proximity.

It had all started when she had floo-ed to work this morning. She had tripped on her shaky legs and had effectively taken two ministry workers to the floor along with her. When she had managed to get off the floor she had barreled into a man carrying copies of ministry posters, adequately toppling him; which resulted in flying parchment all over the atrium. Then she had _somehow_ proceeded to walk, however her nervous wand twiddling had accidentally crashed two glass doors. As if _that_wasn't enough, she had tripped over a man carrying coffee in both of his hands, resulting in spilled coffee. All in all, she had created a record of her most disastrous walk to date from the floo to her cubicle.

She had never said _'Sorry'_ so frequently to so many people in the time span of one minute.

By the time she had reached her cubicle, she was wet with water, had coffee stains on her robes, had managed to probably twist her ankle, scalded herself and had gained a minor bruise on her forehead.

And it was just the beginning of the day.

Therefore, there was a reason she _loathed_ being nervous.

Otherwise she could at least manage a proper walk on her own two feet. She was an Auror after all. It wasn't a laughing matter.

The cause of her anxious state and willies was not her first guard duty, but the person she had to attend said guard duty with.

The bottom line was, she was dreading it. She felt faintly queasy whenever she thought about the upcoming night.

"Hey Tonks! Give me a pen, will you? My pen just died." Her colleague Auror, Eden, exclaimed over the side of her cubicle.

Tonks absently took out a random pen from the pen stand and passed it to him.

"Hey!" Eden's irate cry finally diverted her attention to him, only to see that his whole face was now covered with ink blots.

The pen she had so randomly thrown was broken in two, while one part of it still remained in her hand, the other had probably flown a few meters short, spreading ink here and there.

Looking at Eden's indignant ink blotted face, she finally lost it.

She bursted out laughing.

Eden didn't find it remotely funny though.

When her laughter was finally under control, she spoke up, "Come on Eden, don't you have magic? Just spell it away. Or let me do it."

As she aimed her wand at him, he gave a rather girly shriek. "Please spare me! You and your cleaning spells!"

As he cleaned the mess grumpily, Tonks smiled to herself. Laughing had loosened up her a bit. When disastrous incidents due to her clumsiness happened to strangers it was mortifying, but when they happened to friends, they were just funny.

"And listen-" Eden called after he had cooled down a little, "-We, that is Zoe's group is going drinking after work. Do you want to join us?"

"Oh no I can't. I'm sorry though." She really was. "I promised my mum I would meet her today. Sorry! Maybe next time." She would have normally given up apprehended guard duty any time for a drink with friends, but tonight was too important: It was her first Order assignment after all.

"Well, alright!" Eden looked slightly surprised but let her be.

She sighed. It wouldn't do her any good to be nervous, if anything it would make things worse for her. And he had always understood when he was getting on her nerves. He _still_ seemed to know her that well. But she had to show him, that she was just fine. That he didn't affect her anymore.

* * *

Tonks found herself looking at her reflection in the mirror.

_You are an Auror. You have to do what you got to do; without any emotions getting in the way. No matter how much you dislike it. It's your duty_.

She had to detach herself as much as she possibly could.

_Compartmentalize_. Mad-Eye had taught her that.

She took a deep breath and changed her hair to dark purple that would not be visible in the dark and was a short length.

Because _someone_ had liked long hair on her once.

No, no. She was keeping her hair short because it is easier to maintain that way, she told herself, long hair would just keep getting on her face and would hinder her vision.

With that thought in mind, she disapparated.

* * *

She landed on the top step of Grimmauld Place with an air of aloofness and disengagement around her.

She could do this she was sure.

She tiptoed down the hallway and into the kitchen which was the meeting room. She managed to not to knock anything down, though that didn't continue for long. For as she entered the room, she tripped over a chair, barely managing to stay on her feet. Even with her mishap, she could sense three people in the room. Two of which flinched at her fall while the third person made to get up to help her. Though they halted in their tracks.

It was... R- _Lupin_.

He still had the same reflex it seemed.

"Wotcher Molly, Sirius!" She said smiling, though she hesitated a tad when she looked at Lupin. She finally decided that it would be too weird if she didn't greet him in front of others, so she said a subdued a hello to him. In response he tried to smile.

"Tonks dear. You have to try these scones." She had barely seated herself before Molly was thrusting a plate in front of her nose. She hardly had any appetite but after taking in the delicious smell, she thought she could try a bit.

"Tonks!" Sirius greeted. "You're early, it's only eleven."

"Yeah, I thought, I would come and…" She tried to talk while eating so it came more like _'eh Tho Wo Com'_ earning her a disapproving glance from Molly.

And why was Lupin staring at her? If he wanted scones he could just ask Molly!

She swallowed and replied again. "I thought I would come and get to know what this stakeout is exactly about from... Uh... Lupin here." There she had said it. She had made him sound like a complete stranger.

Which he was.

Even in the time she had known him, he had been a stranger.

He looked rather taken aback when she addressed him by his surname.

Sirius tried to smile though it came more like a distorted frown.

"You alright Sirius?"

"I... I wish I could go with you... You know, I could acquaint you with the stakeout and all. I have been here for a week. It almost feels like Azkaban." He whispered the last part.

She was about to open her mouth when Molly beat her to it.

"Sirius, _almost _like Azkaban." She said softly. "Remember the difference dear. Besides you have people who care for you for company and soon we will move in and Harry will be here too."

Molly though not old enough to be Sirius's mother, acted like it. She definitely cajoled him like a mother soothing his child. Tonks wasn't sure if it helped matters or not, though she watched gratitude fill Lupin's eyes at Molly's statement.

She wondered how long that would comfort Sirius though.

Sirius smiled a bit at the mention of Harry.

"Tell me about Harry, Sirius. Mum told me that you were-_are_ his godfather."

He sighed softly. It was a sigh of longing.

"Harry... You know I remember seeing him for the first time after I broke out. I was astonished because before I was imprisoned, he had been so _tiny_. He had fit perfectly in my arms." He said, making a gesture as if holding a baby. "And when I saw him after twelve years, Merlin, for a moment I felt as if it was James standing in front of me. Harry was one of the things that kept me sane in Azkaban. I kept thinking that I had to get out of there for _him._ He needed his godfather; isn't that what godfathers do, when a child's parents aren't there? Be there for them? I also thought about Andromeda… would she be disappointed in me? Or would she still trust me? I thought about you too Tonks... That you must have been growing up so fast- joining Hogwarts, deciding your career, and falling in love."

He chuckled. She didn't.

"And I thought about Moony here, what could have happened if in the past I had kept enough faith in him..." he trailed off. Lupin looked as if he knew what he had been about to say as he squeezed his friend's shoulder in a gesture that spoke the words _'Don't think about it anymore friend, it won't change anything.'_

The silence rung through the room after Sirius stopped talking. She could see a sheen of tears in Molly's eyes. Sirius had gone pale and rigid as hopelessness radiated off of him. While her own eyes were stinging a bit... And...

_He_ was blinking more than usual.

With a sinking heart she realized that whatever had happened after the Potters' death had affected Remus as much as it had Sirius. It was personal for him too. She remembered the time they had been together, so many times he had mentioned his desire to see Harry and how he had promised Dumbledore about not seeing him, as he had understood not exposing Harry to the wizarding world yet. The sudden appearance of an old friend of Harry's parents would have raised countless questions...

Sirius had been Harry's godfather and he loved him like a son. But Remus loved him as deeply.

Tonks suddenly realized she was feeling sympathetic for him. Something she couldn't do.

Focus Tonks. Compartmentalize.

She cleared her throat and spoke gently to Sirius. "Hey, I have something for you."

Sirius looked taken aback, looking in the air around her as if he expected her to pop out a colored paper wrapped box. But it was something more special than that.

"I told Mum about you, she sent you this and this." She plunged eagerly into her handbag, handing both of the items to Sirius.

One was a letter, while the other was a box of Oatmeal Chocolate Chip cookies handmade by her Mum.

"Merlin these were my favorite!" He exclaimed like an excited little boy. "Every weekend on my holidays when I would visit her, she would _always_ give me these. It was one of the reason she was my favorite cousin. Unlike the other Blacks, her cooking was marvelous."

He then picked up the letter. "What-"

"I know, its twelve pages in total. She... She said though that you truly deserve a 4380 page letter, one page for everyday of those twelve years, but she knew your aversion to _reading_, so it's one page for each year. She apologized for… well I am sure she must have written something about _that_. And Dad said _'Hello'_ and _'Now that he is back and innocent, Oatmeal Chocolate Chips cookies are finally being made in this house again."_

Sirius smiled fondly; though the shadows in his eyes were still present.

"Thank you Dora." Tonks felt warmth rise in her heart in response to hearing the nickname he had called her when she was a young child.

He got up taking the cookies and letter in his hands. "I'd rather devote my time to this in private. Tell your mother I will reply to this."

And with that he walked away with an excited pace.

"I must go too. Arthur and children will be waiting." Molly spoke with concern.

Re-Lupin like the kind man he was saw her to the kitchen door.

And with that it was the two of them alone. _Alone_.

Tonks took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

"Would you like some tea?" Lupin spoke from somewhere in front of her as she twiddled her thumbs while looking down at the table top.

Suddenly she felt claustrophobic. She could feel her confidence draining; she didn't think she could do this. It was bringing back too many memories. This situation was acting like a dementor. It was suffocating her.

_Tonks entered her flat, back from her first day of Auror training. And Merlin it had been exhausting! They haven't done anything physical today, but an Orientation program had been conducted for the new trainees. They had been introduced to Ministry officials, were given a tour of whole building, and had been assigned to their mentors. She had been assigned to Alastor Moody._

_The gravity of what she was partaking in had not been realized by her until today._

_"Are you back?" Remus's sweet and more than welcomed voice came from hallway. His voice was like a melody to her ears after hours of Moody's gruff lecturing tone._

_"Merlin No! I am not back; it's merely my spirit strolling in here." Sarcasm laced her words as she threw herself in his arms as soon as his lean and muscular self appeared. He hugged her tighter to his chest, taking all her weight on himself while she merely sagged into his body like a ragdoll. He rocked her lovingly, understanding her need for comfort. That's why she loved him so much. He always kissed her first; leaving questions for later._

_After a few minutes, He tucked her long shiny pink hairs behind her ears and gave her a peck on her lips._

_"Would you like some tea?" He whispered gently._

_"Just the way I like it?" She mumbled into his chest._

_"Just the way you like it." His words were filled with love as he kissed her lips again._

_He really did spoil her rotten._

The memory that had once brought a smile to her face, now hurt like a bitch.

"Tonks?" His voice, which sounded far away, dimly registered in her mind.

However, she didn't respond as a flash appeared in front of her eyes.

_She was sobbing hysterically onto her bathroom floor with scissors in her hand. Her original hairs, the ones she had been born with, were strewn on the floor. The hair that had once reached her waist, was now barely past her ears._

_She had cut it all off._

_Because he had loved and complimented her long hairs._

_He had stroked her hair all the way to the ends of the strands. Had combed it even, when he had felt extra affectionate (Which had mostly been after full moons) and would play with it randomly. He had loved having her hair spread to its full length on his pillow so he could place his head on it while burying his face into her neck._

_Now, she had cut it with her own hands, in a sudden bout of madness, the hairs she had so lovingly nourished to health._

_Because after weeks of denial, she had realized that he wasn't coming back._

_It wasn't as if she couldn't grow them back if she wanted to._

_Hell, she was born with the ability to change it back instantly. But that would have felt fake and though she didn't mind changing herself in front of the world. She had always preferred having her natural form while in her lover's arms._

_The lover that was now gone._

_Betrayal_; that's what he had done. She had given him her heart so willingly; he had cherished it for a time. But only long enough to destroy it into pieces when he left.

He had broken not just her heart but her spirit as well.

His leaving had been the ultimate sin. No matter what the reasoning behind it had been.

"Nymphadora? Are you listening?" His voice now showed traces of panic.

_'No one can make you feel inferior without your consent!'_ Mad-Eye's barking voice resounded in her ears. _'No one has effing right to make you feel inferior other than yourself. Get up girl and show them what a so called fragile woman can do!'_

She met his eyes with a sudden fierceness.

"No, I don't drink tea. I prefer coffee." Her voice was now clipped and sharp. She didn't said 'I don't drink tea _anymore'_ because that would have meant that once she had used to and that would have also meant having to acknowledge their shared past.

He swallowed painfully.

"I- We..uh.. Don't have coffee at the moment. I will make sure to keep some in the future though."

"Don't bother. I actually came early to know what the stakeout was exactly about."

He nodded and seated himself in front of her. He looked tired. She guessed that the full moon was to be in few days though she couldn't say for sure. She had stopped keeping track of the lunar cycle ages ago.

"Mad-Eye told me that you have a map of Dolohov's house. I want to see it." Her voice sounded robotic; exceptionally professional.

He summoned the parchment and passed it to her without a word. She preferred it that way. This silence was a good development.

After looking away from him, she studied the map. The map showed a weird place for a wealthy Death Eater to live in…the middle of a forest clearing.

"Is it some kind of secondary house or a warehouse for something?" She questioned into the silence.

He smiled, but it didn't quite reach his eyes.

"You guessed it right. It's more like his secret hide out. Not many know of it. The ones who do are mostly the inner circle of Voldemort. Back in First War, it was almost like their nerve center. Their base. His main house is in a wealthy locality."

"Isn't he in Azkaban?"

"Well yes. But the Order asked Alastor to place some trackers there a few days ago. He picked up some activity. We have reason to believe the place is being used again."

"And what we need to do...?"

"Just hide and watch in secret to see what they are doing. Nothing more. Nothing less."

"What if they are using some kind of trackers too?"

"We will sweep the area once with locating spells... Quietly."

"And how do we know that they wouldn't have located our trackers by using the same spells?" She knew she sounded like a pure interrogator, but it was her job.

She didn't want him to be in any delusion that she was stalling the conversation for the sake of the pleasure of his company.

"Alastor placed the Ministry's special ones. Ones that he was the only one to have authority over in the past. After he retired, he took them with him while telling the Ministry that they were destroyed. Though really he just kept them with him in his home. If they have been compromised at all, we will know instantly."

Typical Mad-Eye…

"How will we camouflage ourselves? Invisibility cloak or are we using the disillusionment charm?"

"Invisibility cloak." He gave a straight answer right away but wouldn't look into her eyes. He also looked vastly uncomfortable.

She felt the same way but she pushed it aside. "Tell me the location, I will apparate there right away."

"It... Would be better if you side-along with me. It's in the middle of a forest. That could be dangerous. You won't be able to land at an accurate point."

_"I am dangerous, precious. I could harm you more than physically." He murmured in a sad voice, while she was half-asleep in his arms._

_Dangerous_.

That had always been his excuse for everything.

But the Auror within her found herself agreeing to him regardless. Her apparating alone might put her inches away from the spot and it could bust the secrecy of Order.

Reluctantly, she nodded in agreement.

Seeing that he got up. "I'll inform Sirius. It will take us few minutes to sweep the area. We will be relieving Hestia and Sturgis."

He came back after about five minutes and together they walked in silence to the apparition point.

He offered his arm, asking silently for her to hold onto him; in response, she hesitantly grabbed his arm with both of her hands.

"Ready?" He asked.

"Ready."

With that they disapparated, the resounding crack echoing in the silent alley.

* * *

_I haven't yet written a scene where Tonks trips on the umbrella stand because I find it exhausting to write; meaning she will trip, then someone will help her though setting off Mrs. Black in process, then someone will have to shut her up... well you got the idea..._

_The quote 'no one can insult you without your consent' is not mine, though whose it is I don't know._

_In next chapter, we'll get to know how they met for the first time._

_Also it will encourage me vastly if you can provide feedback, through reviews, favorite or following the story, if you like it of course._

_Thanks to everyone who reviewed :)_


	4. Chapter 4

_Thanks to **Stars May Fall** for the beta work._

_Also thanks to leilalolalee, Guinastasia, remusdora, Guest, PablosGirl for reviewing!_

* * *

Remus and Tonks apparated as close as possible to the forest clearing. And he hated every second of it. Every step he took was like a battle against gravity; all he wanted to do was to simply lie down and forget everything.

It hurt more than he cared to admit to feel the downright hatred emanating from _her_ of all the people. He had lived nearly all his life as a werewolf and therefore glaring glances and malicious intents directed at him was nothing new. But the same from her was like a question mark against his very own existence. That stung like a knife to his gut.

He abruptly took hold of her elbow and pulled her to his side when he saw something she probably hadn't noticed yet.

"What?" She hissed, looking at him.

"Look there." He pointed at the ground that was covered in darkness.

"Wh-What's that?"

"It's a foothold trap..." He answered while she looked at the steel made trap. "Probably for wanderers like _us_, set up by _them_."

"But aren't those muggles contraptions?"

"They are. They must have seen the advantage in having them. They are very cunning muggle instruments."

"Death Eaters using _a muggle _trap is hypocrisy at its best." She muttered bitterly with a grimace.

"They may be charmed though. I am sure they are spelled to not tip off when any person with a dark mark stumbles upon them. They usually are." He finished quietly. He'd had enough experiences with Death Eaters and their tricks during his time in the Order to know that.

"Thanks." She said awkwardly while making a jerking gesture towards the trap.

He nodded back in acknowledgement. As he did, he suddenly noticed how close she was.

She _still_ complemented his height and the way she smelled...

He jerked himself out of his thoughts and forced himself to speak. "It would be better if I lead the way from here and you follow. My vision... is better at night and it would be dangerous to light our wands."

She visibly hesitated.

"You can count on me. I promise."

At that statement she threw him a dirty glance and he realized he had said the wrong thing _again_.

"Lead." she said curtly, just one word in a sharp tone, reminiscent to their colleague Minevra McGonagall.

In response, he turned and started walking. Making sure to pay heed to his surroundings rather than the unsure touch of her hand on his elbow.

One slip up by him and before they could blink; they would be as good as dead.

She walked stealthily enough in situations like these, her clumsy nature rarely surfaced. As they walked, he had time to consider the past and how it was impacting them both now.

It had hurt him to realize that she had tried to change herself after their break-up (Could it be called a break up?). That she had tried to remove _any_ traces that he might have left on her. When she had refused his offer of tea (And the way she had said '_I don't drink tea'),_ the reason for her short hair length had dawned on him among other things.

It wasn't just one of her impulsive hairstyles done for a day. She probably wore her hair that way all the time now; for the specific reason that he had _loved_ her long hair (Not that there was any problem in having short hair).

He had once told her that she looked pixie-like with short hair, but that she managed to cultivate elegance and gracefulness when using a long hairstyle. She had laughed at him in amusement, not quite believing him. But it had been true.

She might have tried to change herself in the way she held herself outwardly, but he could still glimpse the old Dora in the way her eyes twinkled (Or _glared_ in his case). The way she smiled was exactly the same...

He couldn't say he exactly regretted the decision he made in the past. Yes he did regret letting her go every second of his life, had repented the _situation_ and _circumstances_ they were in but he couldn't regret the _reason_ behind his decision. He couldn't regret his _intents_ as they were honest and had always revolved around her. Whatever he had done, had been for her own good.

His decision seemed to have paid off anyhow. She was better off now. The ring proved that.

When they finally reached the perimeter, they both swept the area with perfunctory spells.

"There are Hestia and Sturgis." He said pointing towards an empty spot under one of the trees.

"How can you tell?" she asked bemusedly. He felt a drowning relief at her tone. At least she wasn't angry now.

"We asked them to charm the leaves to fall under the tree they would be sitting. Around the time they were to be relieved so there would be no confusion."

"Clever." She murmured.

Using slow and careful methods, they both made their presence known to Hestia and Sturgis. When the two guards noticed their signal, they gave them the cloak, and bided them a goodnight before apparating away in relief.

Fitting under the invisibility cloak was the first strenuous and awkward step of the mission. Something they had not prepared for. The cloak was big enough to accommodate two people, but not without squashing them together into an uneasy position especially for two people that didn't want to be close.

He was tall; where as she hadn't exactly grown smaller in three years, her figure was if anything... _fuller_.

It was a cruel _cruel_ joke that destiny was playing at their expense- that their first time truly alone had to be like this. A moment he had been both yearning and dreading; yearning because he still loved her, dreading because she was now… someone else's wife.

"Why couldn't they give us _two_ cloaks?" She muttered angrily as she tried to fit under it comfortably. At the same time, she accidentally bumped his stomach with a sharp elbow.

"The Order only has two. The other is with those standing guard at the Ministry." He whispered, swallowing back his gasp of pain.

After a few more minutes of hustle, they were finally seating _somewhat_ comfortably next to each other on the dusty and prickly ground hidden among sharp bushes. As she hugged her knee to her chest, her huffy mood was clearly visible on her face. Sitting this close once would have been very romantic for them, but now...

"Your foot is peeking out."

She irritatingly stuffed it closer though unintentionally she pushed him in such a way that now _his_ foot was peeking out.

"Wait." He tried to placate her as she failed to adjust the _damn_ cloak correctly around them. This was bothering her way _too_ much. Was she more uncomfortable than she let on? If she was; she would _hate_ the solution running through his head.

He hesitantly put one of his arms around her shoulder. The other wrapped itself slowly around her knee, dragging her little closer to the place where he sat. Once they were squished together, he adjusted the cloak in a way that it engulfed them completely without anymore mishaps.

However, he had drawn her _too_ close while adjusting the cloak, because as he happened to glance at her; he found her starting at him, with the usual coldness that had shadowed her eyes since they met again strangely absent.

He suddenly became aware that he had left one of his hands on her shoulder. The other had shifted towards her calf.

He thought about removing them but she seemed to be holding her breath and her eyes had softened in _almost _the same way they had in past moments like this.

He could feel their breaths mingling.

He wanted so badly to lean forward...It was so tempting… It would feel right and natural he was sure.

But suddenly she looked away and he was brought back down to reality.

What had he been thinking?

He drew his hands back as if burnt even if they were still crushed together. He quickly forced himself to look at Dolohov's abandoned house while she too began her own watch.

He wanted to ask her so many things. How she was? What had she done during all these years? The most important thing that he was _dying_ to ask was of course about…

But he was sure he wouldn't like the answer she would give in return.

"How-how have you been?" He whispered, risking a glance towards her.

They were still way _too_ close to each other. His lips were mere centimeters away from her cheek.

She kept her eyes trained on the house.

"Fine." She said quietly, though her initial fire from the beginning of the night had died.

He again looked away. What to ask now? _'So you got married?'_ _'Who's your husband?'_ _'What flowers did you use in your wedding?' 'Did it really take that short time for you to get over me?'_

"You must be pretty good, I take it?" she asked scornfully, turning to look him right in the eye.

_No, I'm Miserable, lonely, despondent, and heartbroken..._

"I try to be..." he said instead and trailed off, as she gave a bitter laugh.

It didn't suit her...

Bitterness was the farthest concept from her mind back when they had first met. When she had been sweet, young and yet wiser than her age- an eighteen year old Nymphadora Tonks.

As she continued to glare at him; He turned back to remembering their first meeting.

It was _vivid _as if it had happened just yesterday.

* * *

_Summer, 1991_

Remus sat on the lush green grass with kids surrounding him. There was a slow cool breeze blowing that put him at ease. After Hogwarts, this was probably his favorite place to be. He felt at home here. Because everyone knew him, and yet no one _really_ knew who- _what_ he was.

It was a muggle orphanage, ran by an old kind muggle lady, with children of almost every age up to seventeen. Remus had developed an aching hole in his heart which would never be filled when he had realized that he could never have children of his own. And as the saying goes 'One wants that what one can't have', he loved children. He was amused by their innocence. He enjoyed their smiles. And he tried to keep up with their never ending curiosity and questions.

His visits here had started with a simple event.

He had been roaming through the streets of Muggle London aimlessly when he had found a small child (no more than five) trying to cross the road in, at least that was what it seemed to him, the pursuit of a ball. He had been alone and his lack of safety had troubled Remus. He had without much thought asked the child to stay put. He had then bought the ball to him and had asked where he lived. He had been surprised to learn that the boy lived in a building right across from them.

When he had gone to drop him off, he had also learned that it was an orphanage. Remus had met the old lady running it for the first time then. She had expressed her immense gratitude for bringing 'James' back home. He surprisingly had ended up spending hours there, talking to the woman, Julia who told him all about the orphanage and the children.

The building looked ransacked and dingy. However, Julia's love for gardening had resulted in a rather lavish lawn with all the varieties of muggle flowers that she could grow. One couldn't help but feel serene at a place like this.

It was a safe haven.

Ever since that morning, he had started spending his Saturday and Sunday afternoons here. One of the plus points was nobody knew he was a werewolf and thus nobody could frown at him for spending time with children. He would often see, rich people dropping by in their cars, making donations and charities and it often saddened him that he couldn't help these kids in the same way. Even with that idea pricking his mind, the kids seemed to love him so he never really complained.

So here he was on this lovely day; leaning against the pillar while he watched them play hide and seek. Their laughter drifted to his ears even at this distance. It was wonderful.

"Excuse me?"

He lifted his head up to see a girl peering up at him with a curious expression upon her face. She had brown eyes and shoulder length black hair that fell around her heart shaped kind face. She wore simple muggle clothes; a green t-shirt and blue jeans.

"Yes?" He answered politely.

"Mind if I sit here?" She asked with a melodious voice while pointing to the ground next to him.

"Sure." He shifted, making a space for her. He couldn't help but wonder what a pretty girl like her would want to talk about to someone like him. She looked to be in her early twenties.

"My name is Tonks by the way." She extended her hand warmly, which he shook gently in return. Although she had a soft palm, her handshake was firm and strong.

"Call me Remus." She smiled and for the first time Remus looked straight into her face. She had lovely eyes and an even lovelier smile.

"You know I have seen you here so many times. I always watch you playing with the kids. You even help them with their studies. But never did I once see you giving them any kind of monetary help."

He felt heat crawling up his face in embarrassment and shame in response to her statement.

"Er..."

"Oh no no no..!" She exclaimed and he looked at her, startled by the reaction.

"I didn't mean it _that_ way." She said with wide eyes as a look of comprehension dawned on her face. "I didn't mean to offend you, it came out all _wrong_." She looked really apologetic and in her haste, she even placed her hand on his shoulder absent mindedly. He felt his skin going warm beneath his shirt at her touch.

Before he could open his mouth, she spoke again."_Please_ let me explain! What I meant was that I often see people coming here making charities or dropping hefty amounts of money in the donation box but they never really bother to actually look at the children. To actually see how are they living. As if their money alone makes everything just fine for them. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate their help, but even though these kids have each other to play with, they need adult company and guidance too. And Julia, God bless that woman, does enough but she is not able to give the time to all the children while the other matrons are too busy doing their jobs to truly pay attention to them."

She paused for a second before continuing. "You are one of the first I've seen who actually seems to care. I mean, I think you even know all of their names and what they like- colors, books, things like that. That was all I was meaning to ask. How come in this self indulgent and busy life you are able to find time for others? Find time to care even about their issues? So many people don't."

She finished breathlessly and he couldn't help but smile at her awkwardness. Surprisingly his humiliation at her initial question had vanished; he even calmed down a bit.

"You are awfully observant." He replied, looking at her through his fringe, avoiding the primary question.

This time she blushed faintly. "Well..."

"I... Well I am unemployed." He blurted out the words quickly.

It wasn't as if she expected something from him. He couldn't possible disappoint a muggle stranger so it was better to tell the truth. How could he disappoint someone who didn't even know him?

Because that was one thing he could do with stranger; he could be honest about the little things. "And I love children."

"Oh... I am sorry if I offended you in anyway..."

"Don't bother, really. I get what you meant to say. I knew a friend once, who always wanted to say one thing and would actually speak something entirely different. He could never get his tongue to say the right things." He thought of his late friend Peter with an inner sigh.

She nodded and softened her posture. As she did, she leaned against the pillar too. They were now shoulder to shoulder.

"You know about me. But I've never really seen you here before." He stated questionably. He was strangely comfortable with having her close to him. Usually he would be shifting away by now.

His question was because he had been coming here for a long time, and by the looks of things she had been too. But he had never seen her and that was a horrible mistake on his part.

"Because you are always too busy with the kids to notice anyone else." She replied well naturedly.

"How come you find time for this place in a self-indulgent and busy life?" He asked, repeating her earlier question.

She smiled sadly with a flicker of sorrow in her eyes. Sadness didn't suit her, he immediately decided.

"It's a long story... I found this girl, abandoned by her parents... I couldn't keep her with me as my schedule does not allow it. So I brought her here in hopes she could find a family someday. I come here every Sunday to see her. She's sick, so she's mostly inside in her room. That's the reason you've never seen me before this."

He felt anger at people who were graced with children and yet decided to throw that blessing away. Whereas, unfortunate and cursed people like him, craved for such blessings and couldn't have them. He also felt gratitude that people like her were present in this world to help correct that problem.

"Uncle Remus!" James' shout pulled him out of his reverie.

The boy was strangely enough a look alike of his name sake and whenever he looked at him, he was reminded of both Harry and James with a pang. The boy pointed towards the boundary and Remus instantly understood. He had managed to throw his ball off of the boundary, _again_. How a boy of his age managed it, Remus had no idea. Sometimes he wondered if James might be magical.

"I'll just go and get his ball back." He mumbled hurriedly to the girl.

He was reluctant to get up but also wanted to finish the task soon so that he can talk to her some more. He was anxious that she might leave in his absence. Therefore he wasted no time in running to get it and handed it off to James in record time.

He didn't know why but he felt relaxed with her and he didn't want her to leave so soon after they had met each other.

When he returned, she was still there though she was watching him closely. He found himself shifting a bit self consciously because of that. He wasn't exactly in his best looking clothes.

As he sat next to her, she blurted out."You are a wizard."

He started and looked at her in astonishment.

"How-"

"Your wand was sticking out of your pocket." She managed to say smugly. Though as the words left her mouth, her eyes grew wide and she covered her mouth with her hands in embarrassment. She shook her head vigorously.

"I didn't- Merlin why doesn't the earth just open up and swallow me!"

He couldn't help but laugh at her predicament. "And here I thought my _wand_ was secure in my pocket."

She hit him playfully on his arm; as if they have been friends since forever, though she was still red faced.

"So, you are a witch?"

"Yeah... Who would have thought that two magical people would meet in such a muggle place."

"Reckon any of the kids are magical?"

"I wonder sometimes... But then we won't truly know unless Dumbledore comes to find them when they turn eleven."

They lapsed into a comfortable silence, though for some reason, Remus found himself smiling a little bit more. It had been a long time since anyone besides the people at the orphanage had willingly sought out his company.

"Can I ask you something?" She said suddenly and he wondered what bizarre question would escape her mouth _this_ time.

"Fire away." He replied even if he generally wasn't comfortable with sharing information about himself.

"Are you a shape-shifter?" She questioned with a peculiar look in her eyes.

This time, her question caught him off guard. There was no way she could have guessed that randomly.

He wasn't that obvious -he hoped.

"What do you mean?" He tried to compose himself while seeming casual.

"I can feel it... I can sense it in you." She said with the same amount of curiosity that he often encountered among the children of the orphanage.

"What do you mean you can feel it?"

"I am a shape-shifter too..." She grinned.

They both stared at each other for few seconds. Both trying to figure out who was exactly in front of them.

_'There is no chance in hell she's a werewolf. She seems healthy enough. So she must be an animagus_.' He was thinking about that to himself when suddenly his eyes flicked absentmindedly over her hair and he was awestricken.

"Pardon me, but weren't your hair a shade darker a moment ago?" He asked. Without meaning to, he picked up a strand that had been stuck to her cheek between his fingers for a closer look. As soon as he realized what he was doing, he removed his hands as if they had been burnt. She hadn't seemed to mind though.

"Are you a metamorphmagus?" He asked as she smiled sweetly back.

"You are the first one to guess correctly on the first try. I didn't even realize that my hair had changed. That's why I picked such a normal color for a muggle place. It's easier to keep tabs on it. So, what shape-shifter are you?" She asked conversationally.

"What did you mean by you could feel it?" He asked again, buying time. It wouldn't be long now before she would figure it out.

"We, metamorphmagi, are really rare and we can sense shape shifting genes among other people. I have experienced it a few times before, like when I met Professor McGonagall. Are you an animagus too?"

He shook his head, looking for a way to both to escape her questions and her presence.

"A metamorphmagus?" He shook his head again. There weren't many options left now and he was really getting uncomfortable now.

"A boggart?" she asked cheekily and he couldn't help but chuckle even as he upgraded to a state of panic.

"If I am a boggart, then I am your worst fear."

"Nah..." She trailed off. "I am not afraid of werewolves." She said casually and he couldn't help but look right into her eyes.

"I- Look, I am not even here near full moons-" He could hear hysteria creeping into his voice.

She wasn't supposed to know, no one was supposed to know as new traveled fast within the wizarding world. He'd had a hard enough time as it was trying to keep his condition a secret.

"-I don't visit three days before full moons or three days after, so I am not a danger to these kids, please-"

"Relax." She said softly placing her hand over his. "You are overreacting. I understand that you aren't a danger. I _know_. And there's no reason for you to _not_ to visit them three days after or even before the full moon. You are safe even then with the right precautions."

He calmed under her touch and at her words. And for a moment he had difficulty understanding the levity of his situation. He was a werewolf and she didn't seem to mind. She was telling him that he was safe, was touching him even. He briefly wondered if this was some kind of trap but then dismissed it as his own paranoia. She didn't seem to be the distrusting type.

"You really don't mind that someone like me is in the same company as the kids and you?"

"Why would I? Do I seem illiterate to you? I am not that naive." She asked incredulously as if her reaction was the same as everyone else's in the wizarding world when they found out what he was.

He could have kissed her then and there.

And _that_ thought brought him back to reality. Where had that came from? He finally decided it was an after effect of a beautiful witch favoring his condition. After all it wasn't a daily occurrence.

In fact, her accepting him without battling an eyelash was entirely new.

He realized that she was not yet tainted with society's prejudice and enmity towards werewolves. She was not naive but she definitely had an innocent sense of morality- Of right and wrong. Which was often found among the youth about to start their life and the ones who were not yet corrupted with society's rotten notions and bitterness. _They_ had been that way too when they had first joined the Order.

He chatted with her for a while and for some strange reason he felt she enjoyed his company.

It was by far the weirdest experience of his life.

He had barely known her for a few minutes, and not only had he told her his deepest and darkest secret, but she seemed to endure his condition and him with a perfect ease.

She would never know but that singularly had earned respect for her in his heart forever.

She told him that she had just graduated from Hogwarts and was waiting for her NEWTs results. If she got the required marks; she would be appearing for the Auror entrance exam next month. He had been shocked to learn that she was barely eighteen.

For some reason, he felt a sinking feeling in his stomach on learning her age, along with a nagging inner voice that harassed his thoughts, exclaiming that she way too young; she was still a teenager even if she was of age.

Why it bothered him so much was something he couldn't get a hold on.

They both ended up staying late at the Orphanage than they both ever had in the past.

When it was finally time to part, he saw a sad reluctance in her eyes as well. It was as if she didn't want to go back to the life she had come from. The same held true for him.

That day he went back to his home with a satisfaction that he had made the first new friend in almost in a decade. Even if that friend was _too_ young.

He couldn't wait for Sunday to come in the hopes of seeing her again.

The next time that he saw her, he felt as if he had known her all his life and he got the chance to admire her beauty in the sunlight. They both felt as if they could be just themselves in the presence of the other.

Without any pretence and without any expectations.

They walked side by side admiring Julia's garden that surrounded them.

"That woman is a genius. This type of garden would be difficult to achieve even with a wand and she's a muggle."

They stopped before a bed of pink colored carnations.

"I would pluck this one for you, if I wasn't scared of Julia murdering me." He spoke in a bout of excitement without thinking. It was just his second day of knowing her after all.

He hoped she wouldn't take offence and looked at her apprehensively. She was still smiling.

"Have you never plucked flowers for a girlfriend from a forbidden place, Remus?" She spoke cheekily and his heart skipped a beat upon hearing his name upon her lips.

"Never really had many girlfriends."

He didn't know why he did it, but he plucked a carnation anyway, while looking into her eyes. It was as if he was making some kind of statement. As if he wanted to prove something to her.

_What_, even he himself didn't know.

Something strange was happening to him, something which his mind couldn't grasp.

She took it hesitantly though her eyes were intense. Maybe it was happening to her too?

"Every flower has a meaning." she said brushing her finger over the flower.

"This one means 'fascination', and 'distinction'."

This time when they reached the gate, she was looking at him in expectation and he decided he couldn't wait a whole another week to meet her.

He was lonely man with no friends and he really enjoyed her company, so he drew up his courage and asked. "There's this small muggle coffee shop, would you-"

"Yes, I am hungry anyways. Want to grab a sandwich too?" She replied before he could even finish his sentence.

_That_ was the beginning of their friendship.

Ever since then, it became an unwritten rule after their visits. They would both take time off and visit the Orphanage on any day of week that they could. And after spending some time with children, they would always visit the coffee shop. They would grab coffee, sandwiches, or sometimes ice cream. Once the food was purchased, they would eat in a park near the shop.

He could have swore that time spend with her passed faster than it usually did. They never discussed meeting the next day; they just met. Soon it wasn't just Sundays.

Somehow she found some time out of her Auror studies to visit on Saturdays and even Fridays.

As the weeks passed by their days of meeting only increased. As well as the time they spent talking.

* * *

"What are you smiling at?" She inquired; he hadn't realized he had a soft smile on his face.

"Thinking about the first time we met." He said looking at her, as if they were three years back in time. Sitting in that park under the tree on their favorite bench. As if situation wasn't adverse, as if she wasn't married...

The thought squeezed his stomach uncomfortably.

"Me too." She whispered and looked away.

He had a nagging sensation that he had seen moisture in her eyes. He felt the uncontrollable urge to comfort her.

"Did you meet someone?" He asked finally.

He could no longer contain himself. He knew her answer would hurt him, but that wouldn't stop him now. He _needed_ to know.

"I beg your pardon?"

"You got married didn't you?"

For a moment he thought he saw amusement flash through her eyes, as if the notion was absurd but swiftly, that expression washed away, replaced by a livid one.

"How dare you!" she hissed at him. The muscle at her temple jumped as it always did whenever she was beyond angry.

He was sure she would have growled if they weren't supposed to maintain a whispered silence.

"How dare you suggest, I would _ever_ be able to love- _trust_ even, _anybody_, after you- you _left_ me in the dead of the night without even bothering to leave a damn _note_!"

He winced internally. He completely ignored the implication of her statement however, which meant that she was not married. He also forced himself to ignore the bubble of joy that rose in him; knowing it still didn't change anything. But he couldn't deny that he felt as if tons of boulders have been lifted from his chest. He couldn't deny he was beyond relieved.

"Look, about what I did. I know it may have hurt you-"

"May!" She snorted, looking disgusted.

"_Definitely_ hurt you but my intention _never_ was... my goal has _always_ been to see you happy. For you to be accomplished."

"I really don't know what your _definitions_ for me being happy and accomplished are Lupin. Do I look them?"

He winced. "I-I cannot make you understand the reasons for my decisions, and I know it's too late for that. I know it won't change anything. What was lost is lost. But I wanted to try to explain."

He did feel the urge to defend himself. Yes he had left her. That action had been the most difficult thing he had ever done in his life to date. To walk away from the only person he ever loved and the one who ever loved him, _willingly_, was like taking a bullet in his chest.

It had been the most selfish and yet _selfless_ thing he had ever done. But it hurt him even more. It cut him deeper to know that she thought that it hadn't hurt him equally as much when he had left her.

His thoughts were too complicated. And as much as he wanted to simply hold her and kiss her like a there was no tomorrow, what he had said still held true. It would change _nothing_. He still was a werewolf, unworthy and unclean.

"Don't tell me what was lost is lost! You have no idea about what I lost." She whispered, her fierceness leaving her and sadness taking over.

He didn't say anything in response. He merely took a deep breath and tried to calm his racing nerves by taking in her scent as they were _still_ mere centimeters apart.

"I think it would be prudent, if we don't work together after this. It is supposedly dangerous to the secrecy of Order and definitely for our mutual sanity." She said after few minutes.

He felt a panic flash in his heart. The kind of panic he knew he would feel if he were in a public place and was to suddenly start transforming. As if everything was slipping from his hand, and he could do _nothing_; it was a feeling of pure helplessness.

He had lived three years without even seeing her face; he had never expected to see her again. But now that she was back in his life, even if not in the way he truly desired, the thought of losing her gripped his chest in a fit of fear.

_But_ _you can't lose what you don't have._

"Listen, Dora."

In a rush of frenzy he grabbed her hand; her left hand. He felt electricity course through his body at the skin to skin touch. Her fingers were ice cold. He felt her bare ring finger and the evidence that there was no ring residing there and felt more relief along with confusion. As he looked into her eyes, he could see that she seemed taken aback by his gesture.

"I am sorry. I know, it's not enough, it _never_ will be and I also know it won't change anything but _please_ all I can ask for is your forgiveness. I cannot bear this _hatred_ you have for me. Please _forgive_ me." He pleaded, even as he realized how pathetic he sounded, he couldn't find it in himself to particularly care.

She slowly slipped his hand away from hers.

"Please, do me a favor. Don't call me Dora and don't touch me again." Her voice wobbled as she spoke

It wasn't a warning. It was a request, as if it was beyond her comprehension what she would do, what would happen to her if he were to do either thing again. There was no spite in her words.

Just as he opened his mouth to speak, his sensitive ears picked up a rustle in bushes. By the looks of it, so did she, as they both slipped into attentive modes, wands firmly in their hands.

They looked forward and saw a hooded figure approaching the building. Remus slipped a hand into his pocket and took out the binoculars Mad-Eye had given him yesterday.

"It's Goyle." He barely whispered into her ear. She nodded in acknowledgment. They watched to see if there was any sign that the Death Eater had heard them, but Goyle being the dumb person that he was, walked through the door without a backward glance.

"They _are_ gathering together after all." She whispered back after a few seconds of absolute silence.

After that excitement, they sat in utter silence for the next hour. Waiting for Kingsley to relieve them. Waiting for _something_ to change. An air of awkwardness had engulfed them once more.

He had lost his control in his desperation. He didn't know what he had been trying to achieve by his pleading for forgiveness. But he knew whatever he had hoped for had not happened.

After an hour and a half, they found themselves near the apparition point as Kingsley waved goodbye at them.

"I will bring my report to you before the meeting tomorrow." She said briskly and professionally.

Before he could even blink or open his mouth, she had disapparated.

He stared into the empty space for a moment. After collecting his bearings he disapparated too. Back to his wretched friends' wretched house, back to his even more wretched life.

* * *

_A/N: _

_How do you feel about this chapter? How do you feel about their first meeting? There's one thing I wanted to establish about Tonks, that she is eighteen and young and sometimes behaves like that. I mean she's not immature. She's sweet, interactive, and talkative, a bit daring but when it comes to few things, she's an eighteen year old at heart: shy and hesitant. Whereas Remus is thirty one when they meet, who is weary and broken and a bit distrusting of the world in general, the kind who doesn't think that something good can happen to them. So I wanted to highlight this difference, though I will explore this in later chapters as well, just thought to make a point here._

_Do review/favorite/follow!_


	5. Chapter 5

_Thanks to **Stars may fall** for beta!_

* * *

More than a week had passed since that direful guard duty and things were still awkward and strained between them. Tonks barely met his eyes whenever she was at the headquarters, almost ignoring his presence while Remus himself tried to pretend as if he didn't exist when she was around.

For Tonks things had turned upside down when he had called her Dora, had taken her hand in his and had beseeched for forgiveness. Something about the way he had said those words, kept perplexing her, as if he had _cared_. She could barely concentrate on her work as he was always at the back of her mind deep-seated with harrowing doubts.

Why he still influenced her, she had no clue.

She wasn't supposed to feel whatever she was feeling; even if she herself wasn't sure what it was she was _exactly_ feeling.

She could say that it wasn't a particularly happy feeling. However it was almost akin to a feeling of reprieve.

On one hand she felt uncomfortable, she found herself squirming if he was in the house at the same time as her, and on the other hand she felt disappointed if he wasn't around. Her emotions were so tangled and mixed up that she was having a hard time unraveling them.

Somewhere deep down she knew she was falling into a _false_ sense of security in relation to him, because if she had learned nothing else, she had learned one thing very precisely:

If you trust someone and they break your trust, they are fool. But if you trust the same person _again_ and they betray you again, then _you_ are a fool.

And Tonks did not consider herself to be a fool.

She always had this frustration within herself and she found herself wishing that he would seek her out and explain to her the past, about anything or everything that he had done, why he had done it, and that it had hurt him as much as it had hurt her, so that she could at least derive some satisfaction that her love had not been a complete waste of a time.

As she looked at the current time, she closed her final file of the day and packed her things. She was ready to visit Grimmauld Place. There was still an hour until the meeting, but Molly had invited her to have dinner with the Weasleys and Sirius and she wanted to see Ginny.

If one positive thing had come from all this (Her joining the Order), then it was that she got to be friends with whole Weasley family, especially Ginny. She had just met the girl yesterday, as the Weasleys had finally moved in, and had instantly liked her.

They had an eight year age gap between them, but then age gaps had never really bothered her. The one thing they had in common among them was that both of them had no sister, they were the only daughter of their parents and they both wished for a sister.

Whether Ginny would be able to fill in that gap, it was too early to say, but Tonks was sure that she had found a good friend regardless; a friend with whom she could talk about the Order with; without worrying about what slipped out of her mouth every few seconds.

"Tonks!"

Ginny jumped in front of her from the stairs, somehow managing to stay both quiet and on her feet.

"I am so glad you came." She announced happily.

"Hey Ginny, what's going on in the house?" Tonks whispered past Mrs. Black's portrait on way to kitchen as she followed Ginny. The girl's long red hair swayed behind her gracefully and Tonks instantly felt envious.

As Ginny turned to look back at Tonks, she gasped in surprise.

"Tonks you look just like my sister." She exclaimed in awe, as Tonks had morphed her hairs to match exactly Ginny's.

"What can I say? I couldn't resist. Your hair is so lovely!"

Ginny smiled in pleasure and Tonks noticed that she didn't blush at the compliment, unlike other girls of her age.

"I wish I had ability like that. I never would have to worry about my hair, pimples or dark circles or other stuff going wrong."

Tonks smiled and seated herself across from Ginny as she passed the Cocoa cups out, probably kept under a heating charm by a thoughtful Molly.

"Trust me; it's not that much of a boon as it may seem sometimes. It's like people expect me to be... flawless or perfect or something." She tried to explain the complexity of her abilities in as few words as possible.

Ginny looked inquiringly at her, taking a sip of her own chocolate before asking. "Have you ever thought what you would do when you start growing old? I mean, say, when you are sixty and all wrinkled but you could just vanish all your lines away in a blink. Would you do that or would you prefer to be as you are?"

For her age, Ginny's questions were really deep. Once again Tonks smiled sadly and replied, "That has crossed my mind but I still have no clue what I'll do about it. Hell with my job, the Order, and the war who knows if I'll even live to see my sixtieth birthday!"

She spoke the last line without thought and instantly regretted when Ginny's smile dimmed. Hell Tonks had forgotten for a second that her whole family was involved with the Order. But Ginny didn't make her feel bad; instead she tried to cheer her up.

"Don't lose hope Tonks." She said solemnly and Tonks was reminded of her own mother.

"Hey, I'm sorry. That was a bad joke on my part. Forget I said it please; so tell me what is everyone doing in house?"

Ginny clearly sensed her need to change the subject but didn't call her out on it.

"Well, Mum is on her mission to clean the whole house top to bottom. To which I don't have any aversion to as far as it doesn't involve me!" She huffed irritably. "I mean how dirty and dangerous can this house really be? People have been cleaning it for weeks yet only a few rooms are inhabitable. So Ron, Fred and George are currently with her while I escaped by telling her I was lagging behind on my homework." She finished in an exasperated tone.

"Which was farce." Tonks grinned.

"Yeah..." Ginny mumbled blowing away a stray piece of hair away from her face. "I get so bored here all alone; I wish Hermione would come join us soon."

"She sounds like a nice person; I am looking forward to meeting her. She is _Harry Potter's_ best friend right?" Tonks inquired raising her eyebrows. It sounded that way based on all the facts that she had heard from everybody else about the girl.

Ginny shifted slightly in her seat.

"Oh she's brilliant. Genius, really... Yes she's Harry's best friend, but so is Ron. And Ron and Hermione are best friends as well. I mean these three are always together but yeah it's not _that_ kind of friendship between Hermione and Harry. They are sort of like siblings."

Though Ginny tried to sound nonchalant, Tonks sensed a shift in her demeanor. She was getting defensive. _Interesting_.

"And I also have this suspicion that Hermione sort of fancies Ron."

"So you have it all figured out. What about Ron? Is he interested in Hermione?"

Ginny sighed. "It's complicated. He might be, but he doesn't know it himself and I have this horrible gut feeling that it will take _a lot_ of time for him to realize what he feels."

Tonks admired the compassion and fondness in her voice for her brother. Though Ginny and Ron, as far as she had seen, kept a constant show of bickering with each other. Behind their sibling's back, they were just protective and loving.

"Where are the others?"

"Oh, well Bla- Sirius, is with the hippogriff. I wish he would come out more so that we can get to know him. He seemed nice enough when he was here to welcome us."

Tonks smiled sadly. She_ had_ predicted it right earlier in the week. Sirius _was_ slowly drifting away and this would probably be just the beginning. He had a long way ahead of him and no one had foggiest idea how long will he have to stay in hiding.

"He's nice, he'll come around, don't worry."

"And Lupin is out on some secret mission." As soon as the words left her mouth, Ginny clapped her hand over her mouth as if she had said something she probably shouldn't have.

Tonks's heart leapt in throat but she maintained her calm expression and asked in the best stern voice she could, "How do you know may I ask?" She raised her eyebrows for extra affect.

"Er... Just heard him talking, not that we- I know too much. Not at all. Oh! I just forgot, Mum must be waiting for me, got to clean." She hastily threw out the lame excuse and ran away as fast as a jack rabbit.

Tonks exhaled. What was this mission? Why didn't she know about it? She was an Order member too. Was it only for senior Order members?

Maybe they didn't trust her enough yet… as yesterday when she had been at the meeting, nothing of the sorts had been mentioned.

But then after meeting Dumbledore had taken _him_ aside...Maybe she could talk to Sirius and interrogate him about it. If he hadn't put a silence charm on his door that is.

After thinking about it though, she finally decided to only help Molly in tackling all the irritating dark insects.

* * *

Later, she was in the drawing room or at least what was supposed to be the drawing room, trying fruitlessly to open a drawer. She could admit to having no idea what so ever of the contents of the drawer, but she _wanted_ to know. It was dusty and grimy and she had tried all the spells she knew to open it. In the last hour, she had started to get an evil hunch that she won't be exactly pleased when it finally did open.

As she tugged _again_, she heard heavy footsteps and felt someone entering the room. When she turned to look she found herself staring at Lupin.

He wore a brown jumper which she recognized from her time and he looked a little tired. He also bore a look of concentration but he wasn't looking at her. His eyes instead were trained on the drawer that she was now trying to open physically.

He barely acknowledged her and stopped right behind her.

"It won't open like that." He murmured absently as he took out his wand. His voice fanned right across her ear and cheek as he was unbearably close and she could feel chills running down her spine in response. He hadn't seemed to realize that he was invading her personal space as he drew patterns on the drawer.

She couldn't look away from his face.

"It's blocked by runes. I figured out a similar one out in Buckbeak's room." He spoke again while furrowing his brow. Another shiver ran down her spine at the _feeling_ of his words. As his hand lightly brushed her the drawer clicked loudly.

But neither of them paid attention to it as he finally seemed to realize how close he was to her. His dark blue eyes flicked with emotion and locked onto her brown ones.

And in _that_ moment they both knew that they were thinking about the same thing.

* * *

_September, 1991_

She tried really hard to flip the pancake. She _really_ did but the fate of the pancake was the same as its brethren. They always ended up getting stuck to the pan or burnt to a crisp. For once she really wanted it to happen right. A vast amount of disgruntlement was starting to well within her as her frustration rose.

Suddenly she felt warm bare arms snake themselves around her waist as a warm naked chest pressed itself tightly to her t-shirt clothed back. Pajama clad legs brushed against her nude calves as she was only wearing knee length shorts this early in the morning.

"Good morning." He whispered huskily into her shoulder as he buried his face in her neck. He sounded like he was still half asleep.

She blushed in embarrassment as last night's moments flashed in front of her eyes. Last night they had gotten acquainted on the _most_ intimate level, and as it had been her _first_ time she felt more than a little shy in his presence now.

She could not even think about looking at his face without lowering her eyes and she could feel a tingling sensation in her stomach because of his nearness. She felt self-conscious, and strange, weird but complete; as if some missing part of the puzzle that had been her life has been added to fill an empty space.

She cleared her throat quickly and tried to compose herself. Removing the charred remains of pancake for something to do, she tried once again by spreading new batter onto the skillet.

He finally woke up a little as he placed his chin into the place where her shoulder and neck met.

"The flame is too high." He mumbled near her ear and placed his hands above hers, cupping her smaller hands into his larger ones as he turned the knob a little to the left. He seemed to have no clue at all as to what he was doing to her.

"And spread the batter like this."

She shivered at his voice being so close her. Remembering in a flash the way he had moaned her name in her ear last night. As goose bumps erupted on her arms, he looked at her oddly but didn't say anything and proceeded to teach her to make pancakes properly.

"See how they are turning brown... Now just flip them... Like... This..." He helped her by guiding her hand movements carefully. She wished he would stop speaking-_murmuring_- in _that_ tone, right _next_ to ear, it was _downright_ _distracting_. She couldn't help shivering and goose bumps were erupted all over her body this time.

"Why are you shivering? It's not cold." He asked while turning the flame to the lowest setting before completely turning his attention to her.

She shook her head and concentrated fully on the pancake as if it would cook by a sheer look of intensity being directed at it. She couldn't stop herself from reacting to his stare though. She could feel a terrible blush crawling up her neck and coloring her cheeks and she was way too_ distracted_ to morph it away. She almost felt irritated at her body reactions. Fine, it had been her first time but it was with _him_, the person she loved from the bottom of her heart. Why was she nervous? Why can't she behave bold like the women of _his_ age probably did?

Her shy and hesitant reaction would only make him frown about their age gap. He would probably think that he was tainting an innocent or something.

"And now you're blushing." He observed as he brushed back her hair, tucking it securely behind her ears. He also managed to feel her forehead with the side of his hand. She appreciated his caring for her, but now there wasn't even a curtain of her hair to stop him noticing how his voice was affecting her so much. When she shivered for the third time, she felt like kicking herself.

"Wait a second..." He trailed off thinking hard and she bit her lip in anticipation.

"Am I _distracting_ you?" He _whispered_ the question, his breath fanning across her earlobe _again_, as if testing if his hypothesis was true.

She didn't look up and she blushed harder in mortification and embarrassment when once again goose bumps flared on her body at his teasing tone. A look of confirmation dawned upon him quickly after that.

She could see him in her peripheral vision, smirking in astonishment. As if he was surprised but also pleased.

"Really? _Really_? Am I turning you on?" He whispered temptingly, brushing his lips on her earlobe. He also darted his tongue out to touch her skin. That was the last straw as she scrunched her eyes close and tried to control her labored breathing. Or any body reaction at all but it was to no avail as everything was out of her control now.

It was like half of her mind was coy while other half was ashamed.

"God, I really am affecting you." He said while turning off the knob completely. He looked at her as he lightly caressed her waist above the thin material of her t-shirt as if willing her to look at him.

She had never felt such embarrassment in her life before. She had always hated to be labeled with the tag of being a novice in anything and now she was definitely acting like one: A novice who had no control over her own reactions.

He chuckled in amusement and she lost it.

She felt as if he was laughing at her, making fun of her even though she knew it wasn't the case. She suddenly turned in his arms, and wrapped herself around him. Burying her face in his neck made her feel safer. Less observed.

She could feel him kissing her head, apparently thinking that she was blushing or something. He stopped when he felt wetness on his neck. A wetness that definitely wasn't from her lips.

"Dora?" He questioned in a worried tone. He probably had a frown on his face as well. She shook her head and clung to him tightly as he tried to pull away to look at her. She didn't have the strength to look into his eyes right now. What should have been a smiling romantic moment between them on the morning after; she had ruined with her naivety and tears.

"Please tell me what is it?" He asked soothingly after apparently giving up on detaching her from his neck. She gathered some pieces of courage together and pulled away _slightly_, immediately wiping at her eyes. She still managed to hide her face from him.

"I am sorry..." She mumbled thickly and he delicately pulled her chin up with his fingers.

He spoke in reassuring tone when she didn't meet his eyes. "Look at me."

When her eyes locked with his, she once again blushed remembering how he had stared into her eyes last night endlessly as he had touched her all over her body...

"I shouldn't have teased you, I am sorry. I forgot the delicacy of the situation." He spoke gently, but she felt horrible. She felt like some small child who sulked after their parent scolded them. She was being completely irrational.

"I am sorry for ruining the moment."

"The moment could never be ruined as long as you are with me." He wiped her eyes with the pads of his thumb. "You are okay aren't you? I'm not still making you uncomfortable?"

"No...no." She hastily assured him and looking away once again as she spoke in a small voice. "It's just... I feel a little different... Shy..." She whispered the last part as if it was a confession of something sinful.

"That's nothing to be ashamed of. It was your first time, a completely new experience. I understand perfectly. Just... Just don't be embarrassed. Take any time you need to adjust..." He cleared his throat. "Once you get used to it... That is _if_ you want to repeat anything. If you want to get used to it. We could… " He trailed off uncertainly. This time he looked uncomfortable and looked apprehensively at her if he had overstepped some boundary.

"Of course..." She replied in the same quiet voice.

He grinned and she noticed again that he was shirtless and she found herself blushing _again_ but her earlier awkwardness had dimmed down a bit. Talking can solve half of the problem, she thought to herself. She gave a small smile as she hugged him and he pulled her tightly to his chest.

She grinned into his neck. When he noticed that she was feeling better he kissed her ear. "But know that I now know your weakness." He teased, murmuring again into her ear.

But this time instead of feeling embarrassed as she shivered, she felt delirious.

Ever since that moment, he would always speak intimately in whispered tones in the exact way he knew affected her most whenever he felt the need arose. It was a secret they shared, something only they knew about each other.

* * *

She looked away breaking out of the reverie of memories. She felt him taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly as he moved a little away from her.

She felt anger towards herself again. She hated him. It was as simple as that. There was no need to reminisce. She wasn't supposed to shiver at his voice.

He pulled out the drawer finally, ending the suspense and she gasped as she looked into the hallowed space.

It wasn't a nest of doxies or some other serpentine creature but rather bloody _treasure_. It was filled to the brim with gold coins, gold bricks, silver, jewelry, gems, precious stones and other glittery whatnot. They were shining so brightly that the whole dark room was now filled with luminous light.

"The Black family's _black_ treasury. No wonder the drawer was so well protected." He said quietly, shutting the drawer with a jerk. They were suddenly left in blinding darkness.

As he walked away without a word, she wondered how a man as poor as him could not be tempted by this amount of money. Hell, she was tempted to take some of the fine jewelry. It wasn't as if their real owners were alive anyway and Sirius didn't give a damn what happened to his family fortune.

Knowing that it would either be used for Order work or whatever Sirius decided to do with it, she shut the door behind her with one last backwards glance.

* * *

He sat in his dingy room allotted to him at the headquarters. There wasn't much furniture, just a bed, a study table and two chairs along with a cupboard. It was one of the most stable residential arrangements he had been able to acquire so far in his life; the others being his parent's home, Hogwarts and well... Dora's apartment.

He sighed, tiredness seeping from his bones in waves. He had been out looking for werewolves, trying to gauge their reaction to the current political environment, his _special_ assignment due to his _special_ condition.

Remus due to some very strange reason was remotely happy these days. Not the exhilarating kind of happy but happy where he was at least capable of laughing on someone's joke or at least where it wasn't a pain to smile anymore. For a werewolf, to gain that level of happiness was an achievement.

The reason for his happiness was his learning that Tonks was not married after all. The ring still confused him but then she always had an unusual taste in dressing and styling. When he had returned from that guard duty a week ago, he hadn't been able to keep a smile off his face even when their meeting hadn't exactly ended well. He had simply sat by his bed and had felt waves of overwhelming relief course through him. Even though that smile had eventually vanished and his relief had darkened when he had realized that she probably hated him. That there was nothing stopping her from finding someone else to date. That sooner or later she _would _find someone she wanted to settle down with.

For a moment he had considered re-approaching her, re-kindling their relationship but he had immediately rejected that idea as absurd. Sure he loved her, and he was definitely tempted to bring her back into his life. But he couldn't just forget that he was a werewolf. And more importantly, it was a matter of what that would do to her heart. He couldn't just break her heart one day and vanish for years and suddenly appear ready to start where they had left off.

Above all, she deserved respect as well as a happy and healthy man.

Hadn't that been his reason for his sacrifice?

He had left so he wouldn't become a hindrance in her life. So that she can be with someone who deserved her truly.

It pained him to realize that she had took his leaving as a rejection and betrayal (And who could truly blame her?) and now she probably had trust issues with people as she _had_ menacingly told him that she couldn't afford to fall love in again after what he had done to her.

He simply wished that somehow he could explain his feelings, his jumbled thoughts, and most of all his reasons.

Yet despite all that, he had slept better that night, without the usual dull ache in his chest that had haunted him for years.

Also, he was content that he at least now had the privilege of seeing her daily. Even if she barely looked at him, he was able to feel alive by being able to see her beautiful face again.

He gave another sigh and leaned back in his chair, closing his eyes as he gave a fleeting glance towards the calendar on his desk.

His eyes suddenly popped open when something dimly registered in his mind. He looked sharply at the calendar and realized what date it was.

It was the 25th July.

He had been so busy with his assignment that he had lost all sense of the date and time. But no matter how hard he tried, he could never forget what the date marked, what that day meant to him.

* * *

_July 25 1991_

It had almost been three weeks since he had known Tonks and he was as happy as he had been during his Hogwarts days. He'd found a small muggle job where the pay was enough to keep him fed and clothed. Even if the salary was not enough to pay his rent, he at least had something to do rather than roaming around aimlessly like a nomad.

His job required less time than a full time job and therefore after he finished work he would visit the Orphanage, meet her and they would both spend some time with children. After that, they would as usual proceed to the park with their food.

Right now, she was sitting next to him, licking her ice cream with a smile while he had his coffee.

"Okay spit it out. What's the matter?" He finally asked her. He had been noticing her strange behavior since he had first landed his eyes on her this afternoon.

"What? What are you talking about?" She asked innocently. At the same time she pushed her black hair back behind her ears.

He raised his eyebrows skeptically at her. "You are awfully chirpy today. Chirpier than usual even. You keep smiling without any reason."

"I am with you, you are with me, isn't that enough of a reason for me to smile?" She asked sincerely without an ounce of cheekiness, which left his internal organs squeezing in pleasure.

He had realized earlier that he was biting off more than he could handle and he was already way too deep into something in which he couldn't afford to be in. Though he still denied himself the relief of naming that _'something' _that was bugging him.

"If that's the case then you are enjoying my company more than usual. Don't try to distract me, I know something is up." He replied, bringing back his attention to the matter at hand.

She finished her ice cream and shook the crumbs off of her hands. He prayed that the reason for her happiness wouldn't start with the words, _'I met this guy...'_ or _'this guy asked me out...'_ or something equally disturbing.

She flashed him a dazzling smile and looked straight into his eyes.

"My NEWTs results came in today."

He gaped in surprised, ignoring the reminder that she was a young girl that had just graduated Hogwarts while he had completed his NEWTs thirteen years ago.

"Really? How did you do?" He smiled widely at her as he really couldn't stop himself. He already knew the answer. Her happiness was infectious.

By this time her joy was barely contained and she looked like ready to burst. He could even see flickering of pink in her hair. He was glad that there were no muggles currently nearby. He knew by now that pink was her happy color. So he loved it when he saw it on her.

"Remus I was barely able to believe it myself-" She replied in hushed whisper as if telling a secret and then continued in a louder tone "-I got _five_ NEWTs, three Outstanding and two Exceeds Expectations. I AM ELIGIBLE FOR THE ENTRANCE EXAM!" She shouted the last part. Finally bursting with happiness and he couldn't control himself. He engulfed her in a tight heartwarming hug to which she replied by wrapping her arms around his torso.

"God Tonks I am so proud of you!" He exclaimed into her hair. He took a deep breath as well, trying to inhale as much of her scent as he could. She smelled really good.

"Me too. I am so proud of myself as well. I can't believe I did it." She mumbled into his shoulder, sending pleasant sensations throughout his body.

He slowly pulled away and cupped her face in his hands, looking into her eyes, as he tried to convey just how happy he was for her. How much she meant to him...

"I know how much it means to you, becoming an Auror." He said softly as she gazed into his eyes with something akin to well… akin to _fondness_.

During the course of the last three weeks, when he had asked her why she chosen to be an Auror of all the professions out there, he had learned that her mother was a Black- Andromeda Black to be exact. The sister of Bellatrix and Narcissa and first cousin to none other than Sirius Black.

He had felt like a fool when he had realized that Andromeda Tonks was a Black after all. But the reason he had forgotten to make that connection was no secret to him. He had been too wrapped up in Tonks to pay attention to anything else.

Tonks' family lineage was something she had barely shared when she had told him her desire. She always hesitated when telling people that her mother was a Black. What had prompted her to tell him, a werewolf no less, he would never know. But he was honored to say the least that she trusted him and had felt confident enough with him to share such a thing with apparent ease.

He had not judged her. How could he? He didn't like being criticized on the basis of his lycanthropy. How could he evaluate her for being a Black? Something which she apparently despised.

She had told him that how during the height of the First War her family had kept moving from one place to another. She had been too small to realize what was truly happening but she still remembered the lingering fear her parents had shown at the mere knock on the door. In some twisted way her journey of being an Auror had started ever since she was six.

In the same bout of confidence he had told her about his history how he had been best friends with Sirius, James and Peter, though he had been careful to not mention anything about the Order.

She had been surprised to learn that they had so much in common. That they shared the same ache. Remus for the life of him hadn't been able to decide whether they had too much in common or nothing common in at all.

"Thank you Remus." She tilted her face up towards him and smiled sweetly as she placed her hands over his; squeezing them slightly in a warm grip. Something told him that she wasn't just saying thank you for his congratulations.

He held her gaze for a moment then slowly let her go, his cup of coffee, forgotten on the ground.

"So what's next for you?" He inquired after taking a moment to catch his breath. He felt a little hot around the collar and his heart was beating a little fast.

He couldn't discern what that look in her eyes meant or maybe he didn't want to discern what that look in her eyes meant...

"Next month is my exam, if I pass that-"

"-Which you will."

She rolled her eyes. "-I will have a personal interview with the Head of Aurors and then, if everything goes alright there, I will be inducted into the programme by 15th of September."

"And then you will be _Auror_ Trainee Tonks, a busy woman, who won't have time for an old werewolf." He replied a little wistfully. He had known since the beginning that his accelerating friendship with her would halt somewhere, after which they would be merely acquaintances, sometimes sharing letters, or maybe meeting occasionally. He just hadn't thought it would be so soon. He would by September (So soon…too soon) be left all alone once again...

She would move on with her life while he would be left behind with just a few memories of her to treasure...

He felt overwhelming sadness wash over him. He felt like a kid who had enjoyed his vacations immensely and had realized on the last day, that he was dreading going back to the school. That everything was coming to an end with a bang.

"Remus look at me." She shifted closer to him, leaving no space between them. When he looked at her, her eyes were fiery and challenging. She placed a cool palm on his rugged cheek as a small breeze whipped her hair behind her in a wave.

"I will always have time for you." She spoke with such conviction that he had no other option than to believe her. "You have no idea what you mean to me." She spoke with a passion, unknowingly echoing his earlier thoughts.

As she whispered to him, he swore that his heart stop beating and he found that he couldn't look away.

What was she saying...?

He placed his warm palm above her waist, feeling the smooth surface of her blue t-shirt.

He was caught as if in a trance; as if in a tornado. He leaned forward slowly pulled by strings and very lightly placed his lips over hers.

As he did he felt the whole earth freeze, vanishing into nothingness, leaving only them behind.

He felt more than heard her breath hitch and his heart thudded in response. _He was lost. He was lost in her._

He coaxed her lips to open a little; his heart soaring as she kissed him back rather than pushing him away or worst slapping him off with a yell.

"I knew I wasn't imagining that look in your eyes." She whispered against his lips and he again felt rather than hearing her words.

He pulled away a little before opening his eyes and he forgot to breathe.

He never had never before had the chance to look so close into her eyes. Never really had the chance to notice the flecks of green and hazel in her brown eyes. His eyes trailed downwards; staring with awe at her lips, which were red and parted with desire. He felt giddiness sweep over him as he realized that he had done that. He leaned forward again; for once forgetting all of his inhibitions as he caught her lips in a searing kiss. He pulled her tighter into his body, feeling her chest press against his, as her hand crawled into his hair and the other caressed the back of his neck.

He kissed her ferociously without fear and she matched his intensity.

"This is _so_ wrong." He whispered against her lips, letting his breath fan across her lips. Even as he spoke he couldn't stop his tongue from darting out and tasting her bottom lip. In response she tightened her hold on him.

"What is?" She replied in a hushed tone while the hand on his neck distracted him from forming a coherent thought.

"This." He replied, forgetting that they were in a public place. That they shouldn't be kissing so intensely _here_ or anywhere for that matter. One of his hands cradled her head while the other encircled her waist. He placed a kiss on the corner of her mouth in worship.

"Kissing you. I shouldn't be kissing you. You are so younger than me." Even as he said it he brought his lips back to her mouth; kissing her ardently. Not really giving her a chance to speak. Not really caring that his actions were contradicting his words.

How could he stop when she was so eagerly kissing him back?

"Remus..." She groaned against his mouth. Which in turn caused him to shiver pleasantly as his eyes drifted close in pleasure. "What are you talking about?" She pulled away a little but not much and her hands still clung to him.

He took a deep breath, trying to sober up a little. Trying to look like he had a semblance of composure.

"Look at you..." He said reverently. "You are so beautiful, and I am so tainted and diseased." He shook his head unable to wrap his head around the whole idea. It was as if he was in an alcoholic state. "You are so _so_ young. I am in my _thirties_ already and you aren't even in your twenties. You are still practically a teenager." He replied slowly, only having a vague idea of what he was muttering as he leaned his forehead against hers.

"You are insulting me. I am of age." She replied softy though hurt colored her voice in sharp waves.

He blinked and pulled away a little more, creating a bit distance between their lips that were still distracting him. He really needed to clear his head and gain a little more composure or he would screw this up majorly.

"When I first met you I thought you must be at least twenty..."

"Why do age gaps matter so much to you? Would it matter if I was fifty and you were sixty-three?" She looked sad, her earlier elation having vanished.

"But you are _eighteen_." He countered. "Age gap wouldn't matter if I was wealthy or healthy. If I could buy people's good opinions. But I can't because I don't have that ability. Society will frown upon you for choosing someone like me and will frown upon me for being a cradle robber of an innocent girl with so much potential."

She pulled his hands away from him, shifting away so there was space between them. "You make me sound as if I am a child." She looked hurt and his heart hurt as her expression struck him like a bullet.

"You are wiser than your age. But I am _afraid_ that you might... You might _not_ know what you want right _now_." He tried to soothe her and break it to her as gently as possible. She needed to know what the world would think.

She pushed herself up and stood facing away from him but not before almost screaming, "And I am afraid that I have fallen for you!"

He felt his heart slow down to an almost stop before suddenly accelerating to a maddening pace. He felt numb though his head felt light. It was all he had ever dreamt for when he was younger…

"You couldn't have fallen in love with me within such a short span of time Tonks… We have barely known each other for three weeks… You don't truly know who I am."

He tried to grasp the remaining straws that floated in front of him. He knew that he could simply say yes and have the future he had always desired. But surely such a future, such happiness would be short lived…

It would be fickle, based on an impulse.

At this point of time maybe all they would think about was each other, but what after few months? Would they still feel the same euphoria in the other's company or would things simply go downhill after the initial bliss died out, after reality would cave in?

He could almost hear her heart breaking as she turned to look at him.

In that one moment she looked sadder than he had ever seen her. With tears barely contained in her eyes. However within the next moment she looked angrier than he could have ever imagined.

"You are a _hypocrite_! Tell me you don't feel same for me and this discussion will be over. I will never show you my face if that is what you truly want. But tell me first that you haven't fallen in love with me too in _'such a short span of time'_ as you put it."

The idea of not ever seeing her bothered him deeply.

He took a deep breath and let it out slowly, rubbing his forehead as he wearily looked for answers. There must be some way that they could both be happy without getting their hearts broken.

"What's your name?" He asked suddenly.

"What!" It sounded more like an exclamation than a question as she breathed out.

"Your name. Tonks can't be your first name. It is obvious to me that it's your surname. I want to know your name."

He spoke quickly but then after some thought he muttered quietly:

"I was too involved in you earlier to be bothered about such trivial things as _names_. Merlin I kissed you, when I don't even know your name _while_ you are practically still a teenager."

Apparently he didn't mutter it too quietly as he heard Tonks emitting a sound which seemed a mixture of a sob and a growl.

"That's it. If you are so disgusted by me, I don't want to here."

Sure enough she was turning around to search for a secluded place to apparate away and he felt panic seep deeply into his heart.

"No!" He bolted up and grabbed her hand before she could even register that he had moved.

He couldn't let her go, he simply couldn't...

He gripped her wrists in his hands, afraid she would flee, not only from the park but also from his life.

She had tears streaming down her face and he looked away in guilt. He wasn't able to stare into her intense eyes. She had been so happy when she had arrived. She had taken the first step towards her dream and now...

"It's _you_ who should be disgusted from me. Not falling in _love_ with me." He smiled sadly at her while she plainly glared at him.

"I am sorry if I implied otherwise but I didn't mean to insult you. You are so _precious_ to me..." He whispered and slowly placed his palm over cheek, hesitantly wiping her tears with his thumb and she swallowed painfully.

"It's just... I destroy everything I ever touch. I fear I will destroy you too, precious." The name slipped from his lips so easily. As if he had been calling her it all along; the nickname that he had subconsciously attached to her in his day dreams.

"Remus please trust my judgment." She replied blinking away her tears and looking helplessly at him through wet eyelashes.

"I am not fickle minded. I decided to be an Auror at the age of eleven and I haven't regretted it once. I barely dated in Hogwarts but what I felt for you; _feel_ for you, I never did for anyone else. It's not that I haven't met anyone. I've met so many guys and they were wonderful and if I had one to give into typical teenage urges, I probably would have fallen in love at least four times by now but I _didn't_. So please don't tell me that I do not know what I want in my life."

He waited with bated breath for her to continue as she took a deep breath.

"As for society, I've never given a damn about society. If I, Tonks, daughter of a Black and a Muggleborn, a Metamorphamagus, an extremely rare and _vastly _misunderstood creature, ever cared about society then Merlin help me, I don't think I would even be able to _breathe_. Remus, at least you were _born_ human, I wasn't even given that privilege." She finished softly as he looked into her eyes. He felt like he was staring right into her soul.

He didn't see a girl younger than him by thirteen years. He saw a grown up woman with a rare sense of wisdom and maturity, forced to grow up early by the world around her.

He couldn't help it. He pressed his lips to hers. He wasn't sure how long he would have been able to deny himself anyways. His mind was swarming with doubts but as she responded hesitantly once again, those doubts were pushed to the back of his mind.

"It's Nymphadora." She whispered against his mouth.

"What?"

"My name. It's Nymphadora."

A chuckle escaped his lips.

"No wonder you didn't tell me in the first place."

She made a face, which he could see all of as she was still inches from him.

"It's not that bad."

Though as he said it, he could see that she disagreed.

"Not everyone is blessed with a nice name like yours."

"You think I have a nice name?" Somewhere during the course of their argument and the kiss her hands had shifted to his chest as his larger one covered hers, holding them in a place near his heart.

"Among other things." She answered shyly but then grew serious. "You never answered my question."

"Which one?"

"If you feel the same way for me as I do for you." She looked down and looked awfully fearful about his answer. Her confidence seeming to have dissipated from when she had so boldly asked him to tell her that he didn't love her.

He encircled one arm around her waist and pulled her closer while grasped her chin with other and made her look at him.

"If love is waking up to the thought of you. If love is caring more about your happiness than my own. If love is to smile inside and out at a mere glance from you. If love is missing you as soon as we part. If love is losing all my being and yet finding it in you then yes I do love you."

He had made no effort to sprout poetry or sound dramatic or trashy; he simply said what he felt. Though there was a lot more that he left unsaid. That he couldn't find the words for.

She smiled at him and he wiped the remaining tears. She blushed slightly, hiding her face in his neck. He sighed and pulled her tighter to his chest, burying his face in her hair.

He in this moment felt a happiness that he had never experienced before in his life. He hoped to feel in for years to come.

* * *

A knock startled him out of his thoughts. He straightened himself and croaked out, "Come in."

The door creaked open and he looked up to see a hesitant Nymphadora Tonks entering. He immediately felt mystified at her sudden presence, and stood. Wondering what had brought her so late to his room.

"Tonks." He spoke unnecessarily into the silence.

She wore a leather jacket over her tank top along with a ragged tight pair of jeans that he thought he recognized from his time in her apartment. He had never known how many of those rips were intentional and how many were unintentional. She had short hair with big fringe covering her forehead but her dark twinkling eyes were visible to him. Her hair was _their_ favorite color of bubble gum pink.

She walked in hesitantly and as he got up, she motioned for him to sit down back. He took his place and looked at her apprehensively as she looked everywhere but his eyes. Taking in his gloomy room with a sweep before finally perching on the end of his bed.

"I thought you would have left by now." He spoke, sensing that in contrast to before, he wasn't getting any negative vibes from her. So with hope in sight, he tried to make pleasant conversation.

"I ended up chatting with Molly and Hestia." She replied finally looking him in the eye.

He nodded and leaned forward, placing his elbows on his knees and clasping his hands together.

"How can I help you?" He asked softly.

She took a deep breath then started: "Look, I know... We have lots of history that's impossible to forget. But now that we are working together, for something that is so much more important, I don't want our past to hinder our progress."

She spoke so fast that he had to listen really hard to understand what she was saying. He had absolutely no clue where she was going with this but nodded, agreeing.

"I was down with Molly alone, and apparently she has sensed something though she only has known me for a couple weeks."

"What?" He asked wondering what Molly would have said to make her come up here.

"She asked if...there was some...you know...tension between you and me." She completed tentatively.

"Oh." He furrowed his brows. He had no clue that they had been that obvious. After all they had barely been together in front of others long enough for them to guess that something was amiss.

"Yeah..." She shifted uncomfortably, once again looking away and staring at the floor instead.

"She was under the impression that my indifference towards you might be because of you being a werewolf. _As if_."

He watched her intensely while she wasn't looking, taking the opportunity to look closely at her beautiful face. If Molly had paid even an ounce of attention to them, he understood why she thought so. Tonks was so cordial to others and always made an effort with them while she ignored him as if he was completely invisible.

"What did you say?" He knew that she hated being labeled as anything close to prejudiced in her dealings with anyone.

"I made up something, said that I never even knew that you were werewolf in the first place and any behavior on my part must have been unintentional."

"She believed you?"

"Must have. I am good at lying to people I barely know."

_But bad at lying to those who matter to you,_ He added silently to himself.

"What do you want from me?" He questioned. He wanted to know what she truly wanted. He wanted to give whatever it was to her.

"I- I want us to look past what happened. I want us to behave normally in the presence of others. I don't want our past to affect our work for Order. If you get what I mean. I don't want us to grow silent and stiff as soon as we see each other. Or else sooner or later, everyone will notice and I am in no mood to travel down that road."

_She wants to be friends with me?_

"But, remember one thing." Fierceness returned to her voice, before he could contemplate further on his idea. "This does not mean that I have forgiven you- _No_, nor does this mean that I have forgotten what happened. I just want to be mature and professional enough about this whole thing."

He felt the hope fading that he had felt earlier. But frankly, he shouldn't have expected anything less. It should be enough for him that she wanted to be on speaking terms with him.

He sighed.

"Alright. I understand and I agree."

He felt like he was signing some contract of investments with words like _understand and agree to terms and conditions._

"Good."

"Thought anything about how we could extract Harry?" He asked. Better to start this speaking terms right now.

"Yes, I have an inkling." She said this as she got up, making a beeline to the door.

"Goodnight." She said with finality, shutting door behind her without looking back.

He didn't know what he had just agreed to, but it couldn't be any worse than the current situation.

Maybe, just maybe they would be able to look past their past and get on with at least friendly terms.

He sighed and sat down back when he realized he had gotten up along with her. It had been an interesting day.

He slept that night once again, wrapped up in sheets and his memories, wondering what next day would bring.

* * *

_It kept increasing in length and I kept writing as if I had no control. Do you prefer shorter chapters or longer? Do tell._

_leilalolalee- I am glad you liked it :)_

_PablosGirl - The chat with Sirius is coming soon!_

_GinnyPotter6891- thank you for the feedback. Try as I might, something or the other always go amiss, you see English is not my first language but I try. Keep reviewing :)_

_Reviews/favorite/follows will be cherished :)_

_Thank You!_


	6. Chapter 6

_Thanks to **Stars May Fall** for beta. Here's chapter six._

* * *

Wind nipped at Sirius' face as he shifted once again in his sleepy haze.

_Prongs forgot to shut the windows again_, He thought in a daze as his ears dimly registered the whipping of the curtains.

_Probably mooning over Lily, sitting by the window staring at the moon like a girl._

He opened his eyes groggily, to find his face half buried in his pillow. He only dimly reflected his surroundings.

_Must be near one in the morning, maybe I can convince others for a midnight stroll, put our newly created Marauders Map to use_, He decided impulsively now that he was somewhat awake and knew that he won't be able to go back to sleep. Not with the blasted wind and blinding moonlight in his face.

He again opened his eyes and sat up, rubbing sleep out of his eyes.

"Hey Prongs!" He called out, while trying to untangle his feet from his blankets.

He finally looked up, his eyes searching for his three dorm-mates when finally the realization hit him hard like a punch in stomach.

He wasn't at Hogwarts. He wasn't in his dorm-room. He was in his childhood house. One of Grimmauld Place's dark bedrooms.

He wasn't a carefree sixteen year old either. He was a broken and bitter man of thirty five. And his brother, his best friend James was...dead.

The feeling that sweep over him, made him feel like James and Lily had died all over again. The sorrow settled deep in his heart.

It wasn't the first time he had woken up under the impression that he was back in his past happy days. In fact, when he had been in Azkaban, he had woken almost daily imagining that James' midnight ramblings have disturbed his slumber. After a certain amount of time, it stopped though. Not because the realization had finally sunken in that he was in prison but because he hardly ever slept.

Once again in the past fourteen years he realized that James was dead, Peter had killed James and Lily and he, Sirius Black had spent twelve years surrounded by happiness sucking dementors for a crime he hadn't committed.

He sank down into his bed, feeling terribly uncomfortable in his own skin. All his friends were dead and he was just left with a feeling of aching loneliness and betrayal. He wished he could go back to time, change something...anything. He'd prefer dying in some dangerous mission rather than sitting idly here like an invalid.

But _no_, that chance was also taken from him because he wasn't allowed to go away from this house, as apparently that would be dangerous to the secrecy of the whole Order.

The irony of it all was, that Sirius Black, who never once let the _rules_ rule his life, who never obeyed, who never needed anyone's _permission_ to do something, was cooped up in his most hated place, second only after Azkaban, because he wasn't _allowed _to because of Dumbledore's disapproval.

He placed his head into his shaking hands; his head suddenly felt a little too big for his body.

What purpose had his escaping from Azkaban served? He had been happier than he had ever been in twelve years when he had escaped, seeing the blue sky and endless creepy streets in an entirely new light. He had to survive on rats or garbage it was true but he had been happy. But now, he was sitting in _this_ house all alone.

Actually…not all alone; He suddenly realized.

He had Harry, the reason he had lived even after his brother's death. Harry was at a meter's length, he had come in only yesterday.

And then he had his old friend Remus. True they were more distanced than ever before with years of mistrust and misunderstanding between them, but Remus was still his fellow Marauder. One of his best friends. It was comforting to see an old face even if Moony was literally an old face now (Though he himself didn't look any smarter).

Today he would just bask in the fact that maybe he wasn't alone, after all.

After a few minutes of thought he stood in front of Remus' door, hesitant to knock. It was one in morning, and Remus would be probably asleep. It had been a full moon just few days ago, and Sirius knew Remus would be exhausted. Was it right to disturb his sleep?

Had it been few years ago, Sirius wouldn't have hesitated even an ounce. With that memory strengthening him, he knocked and barged in, without waiting for reply.

It surprised him immensely to see that his old friend was awake, sitting on a stiff chair instead of resting. As he entered, Remus merely raised an eyebrow in response.

"Couldn't sleep?" He asked.

"Can't sleep?" Sirius retorted.

He was never the one to give a straight answer.

Instead, he sat in front of Remus on the other chair. Merlin it all seemed so formal. He hadn't been in Re- _Moony's_ presence, alone, for a long time it seemed. What with all the Weasleys, his mission and his imprisonment in his own house. And now all of a sudden he felt awkward in front of his only surviving best friend. And Sirius Black was never awkward. It was laughable in a sad way.

To look cooler he adjusted his chair and placed his sock-clad feet on the table above all of Remus' papers and books. He knew it infuriated him.

Remus who had been watching Sirius by now with confused amusement, looked annoyed at the mistreatment of his books. But didn't say anything. He just politely removed them and placed them away.

"Well? Are you going to keep staring at me or will you say something?" He finally asked.

"You are the one who barged into my room at wee hours of the night."

God there were so many things he wanted to say, starting with sorry, but that was another thing he barely knew how to do- saying sorry. He could make amends but it was always difficult to voice his apologies. Two years ago when they had met in Shrieking Shack he had felt beyond happy. Though when the exhilaration had wore off, he had acknowledged the large gap between them to himself.

He had doubted Remus, thought him to be the traitor, something he couldn't forgive himself for. He had made a _huge_ judgment error which had cost James and Lily their life. On the other hand, Remus had so easily believed _him_ to be the traitor. Granted he had been shown evidence by the world, but he had found himself wishing that Remus would have visited him in Azkaban, even if to curse him, even if just once, maybe just _maybe_ he might have been able to explain his situation, his innocence to him and things could have been different.

They had forgiven each other of course. With the war coming they had no other option than to stand united. The brief time he had spent at Remus' house after Dumbledore had ordered him to _lay low at Lupin's_ had helped as well. They may have not been able to bring back the rapport they had with James absent and years of mistrust between them. But there was no doubt that they were brothers. Still willing to give their life for the other. Brothers who were glad to have the other back after years of isolation.

"Do you think Harry will make it through the hearing?" He finally voiced the question that had been looming in his thoughts ever since the boy had been bought here.

"I am sure with Dumbledore's help he will. He will figure out some loopholes to exploit." Remus replied confidently while watching him closely; he had been doing that a lot lately as if he expected Sirius to lash out at any moment.

He tried not to show his relief. Or was it disappointment?

"You want him to be expelled." Remus said bluntly and he winced in guilt. He still knew him well.

"Not really..."

"Listen... Padfoot... He's fifteen. His real place _is_ at Hogwarts."

"No!" He snapped. "His real place is with his friends and family, his _godfather_. He has lived with those _vermins_ his whole life being mistreated. It's about time he stays with people who _love_ him."

"Hogwarts is where his friends are. As for family, right _now_, he is with his family. He is a student, who needs his education and Hogwarts is the best place for that, and you know it. He would be _heartbroken_ if he got expelled. Remember what Hogwarts was for us? Especially for you and me? For a werewolf and for a Gryffindor Black? It was a solace and it is the same for him."

Sirius stood to put some distance between them and looked out of the window at the new moon. The moon had always controlled Remus' life but at Hogwarts it had affected them too. Full moons had always marked an upcoming adventure every month.

"Look Sirius, if anyone would know, it would be me how hard it is." He spoke and suddenly the differences between them didn't seem so large. They both had suffered same pain inexplicably. "And my advice is that whatever time you have together, spend it with Harry. Show him how much he means to you because you never know what might happen tomorrow."

Sirius looked back at Remus, who seemed miles away. Something told him that it wasn't just any random advice but rather that Remus was speaking from his own personal experience. A shadow covered his friend's face.

He didn't say anything but sat back down. But not before transfiguring the chair into a comfier one and summoning a Firewhisky bottle from his room.

"Really Sirius." Remus rolled his eyes when he saw the green bottle.

"Come on; don't tell me you are afraid of hangover. We haven't got drunk together in ages and it's not like any of us have work tomorrow to worry about."

Remus gave a dry chuckle at that and poured the amber liquid into conjured glasses.

"I have been meaning to ask what's up with you and Tonks?" Sirius asked after he took a sip. He had been curious for ages, but now seemed a good time to ask.

Remus slowly gulped his glass and though there was no remote change in his expression, Sirius could see a shift within his eyes. He was hiding something, but was trying to act cool.

"What do you mean?" His eyes were level, though his fingers twitched.

"She at first was so... I don't know... Hesitant around you...though I don't know her well but she doesn't seem to be the hesitant type. And then suddenly you both started chatting as if you have known each other all along. You even worked together like a team for Harry's retrieval. It strikes odd to me how your relationship changed in the span of a day."

Remus furrowed his brow, rubbed his index finger on his forehead as he always had when contemplating something. He shifted uneasily in his seat.

"We...ah...we have known each other from before...a little before the Order reformed." He finally admitted grudgingly.

That surprised him. As far as he knew Remus had never been in direct contact with Tonks' family.

"How come? You couldn't have been her teacher. She graduated in 1990."

"We met...somewhere...coincidence..." Remus trailed off into silence.

It was increasingly frustrating him how vague Remus was being.

"Well then you both should have been comfortable from the start. But it didn't seem that way to me." He spoke with an edge to his voice. It took a lot less to get his temper going these days.

He swallowed a large gulp of whisky. But Remus didn't seem to notice.

Twirling the liquid around in his glass and peering into its depth he confessed. "We dated for a while back in 1991."

Sirius paused mid-gulp and tried to process what his companion had just said. He dated, _dated_ as in _romantically_ dated, Tonks- _Nymphadora_ Tonks. The notion was preposterous! He did some quick math in his head and the outcome was even more ridiculous. She must have been seventeen or eighteen and Remus must have been in his thirties.

When he finally looked at him, he found Remus staring at him apprehensively as if waiting for a judgment to be passed.

"That's a bit..._unexpected_."

"You don't say." Remus muttered darkly before looking away.

"What happened?" He inquired softly. By the looks of it, things haven't ended well between them.

Remus sighed heavily as his shoulders sagged. He closed his eyes and his jaws rippled while he sought control. It was as if he had asked something intensely painful.

"Love happened."

Sirius almost smiled. "So you finally fell in love, huh? With a girl half your age. Didn't know you had it in you."

"She's _only_ thirteen years younger than me. Your math is wrong, unless you mean to imply that I am forty four years old or that she's seventeen at the moment." He sounded really defensive for a second.

Sirius raised his hands in surrender. He wasn't trying to be judgmental; it just seemed a bit weird and funny. In all prospects, he should have been feeling like an elder brother to Tonks. Becoming all protective about her. But try as he might, he couldn't really ascend to that mindset. He barely knew the girl, even though he had loved her ever since he held her for first time in his arms, protective feelings were hard to evoke.

In all fairness, he felt more protective towards Moony, wondering if she had done something to break his heart.

"It just seems _new_ to me right now though I _can_ adjust to the idea. My niece and my best friend…not bad. So what happened, besides love?"

"Lycanthropy happened." He replied looking pained and Sirius almost wanted to smash the glass on his head. What was up with all the one or two words answers? Couldn't he elaborate a bit without being prompted?

It either meant that Tonks had not reacted well to his lycanthropy or that...

_Godric's pants_...or Remus's insecurities had come in between.

"How did you meet her?" He asked instead. He didn't think he could hear calmly, without going berserk that while he had been rotting in Azkaban, dying for _human _company, Remus had _knowingly_ knocked away the perfect opportunity of love.

He heard as Remus talked about how they met and the instant connection they felt. Sirius saw a different kind of spark in his eyes while he talked about his cousin. The kind of spark he had when the Marauders had accepted with ease that he was a werewolf, the spark he had when they have told him that they would be becoming animagi for him, the kind of spark James had for Lily. It was a spark of _love_.

Love, a feeling and an emotion which he had thought to be a waste of time back then. But craved like air now a days.

Their meeting seemed to be the kind of thing Lily would have believed in. _Destiny_, she would have said. That it was destiny and pure fate that they had met under such unusual circumstances and that such love couldn't be forgone. That such love _will_ flourish despite acting against it. As had been the case with Lily and James.

He never was a perfect listener, but the tiny smile displaying Remus's bliss coupled with underlying sadness, was worth it.

"Tell me about your first date." His words were intelligible even if he was on his third glass of firewhisky while Remus was still on his first. He couldn't believe he had just said that; he was never interested in such lovey-dovey details. Before (Years ago) he'd rather discuss shagging techniques than listen about his friend's and cousin's romantic rendezvous.

Remus was surprised to say the least. He raised his eyebrows in that typical Remus fashion but said nothing. Sirius just wanted him to keep talking. At least he got to know that his brother had been happy while he was rotting away. Even if it was just for a little while.

"Well..." He murmured. "We mostly met in that park, but the first time I took her some other place was...remember that private Stonehole beach in Bermuda we visited after we graduated?"

A sly smile graced Sirius. "Moony, you cunning dog, you took her there? Was it your first date or _honeymoon_?" He knew he sounded so much like his old self but he couldn't resist teasing this time. The mentioned beach was one of the most exotic and beautiful places he had ever visited and that was saying something.

Remus rolled his eyes good naturedly, looking nostalgic and smiling at the same time. "It's not like we have to prepare for a vacation or something beforehand like Muggles, we can just apparate in blink of an eye or create a portkey. Now listen..."

* * *

_August, 1991_

As soon as they appeared, salty scent of air and the sound of waves crashing the cliffs and lapping against the shore hit their senses. She didn't even wait for him to remove his hands that were covering her eyes; instead she wrenched them away and took the scene in hungrily and excitedly.

"Oh my... I didn't really think that you will _actually_ bring me here..." She whispered in awe.

Days ago, she had mentioned it in passing that she had never been to a beach and had only seen them in photographs or in advertisements. He had silently thought to himself that he should comply to her wish. The beach was breathtaking with clear aqua-blue water (which coincidently matched her shirt), cliffs and golden sand. It held a special place in his heart as Marauders along with Frank Longbottom, had celebrated their graduation here after Hogwarts along with Gideon and Fabian Prewett. Even James and Lily had spent a day or two of their honeymoon (more like world tour) here. He never visited it though after...after everything as it had been too painful. As nearly all the people attached to those memories were dead. But when she had absently mentioned it to him, he had thought it worth a try and frankly, seeing the happiness on her face, it was worth it.

"Oh Remus..." She squealed like a little girl, immediately abandoning her slippers and running like a maniac on the crispy sand. He stood there simply laughing at her happiness. The beach was silent except for the crashing of water and occasionally chirping of birds. He walked on the marks left by his beloved on the golden sand to reach her, as she now stood by the shore while silent waves tenderly worshipped her feet.

He walked until he stood behind her, encircling her waist and looking towards the sky. It was sunset, a time when the beach was the most appreciative. The whole sky was tinted with pink, orange, yellow, and blue, but he wasn't looking at it. Not anymore.

He was looking at the beautiful woman beside him who had a look of wonder on her face. Her pink hair whipped behind, gently brushing his cheeks and the sky was reflected in her dark brown orbs. She had a smile on her face that said she was at peace.

"I love you." He whispered.

Her smile grew wider, as she turned to look at him. She encircled her arms around his neck.

"Have you ever been in love before?" She asked out of nowhere.

"What brought this on?" He asked prising her hair away from her face as they now whipped in opposite direction.

"Just wondering..."

"I...don't think so."

"You don't think so? But you don't _know_?"

"I mean I have never felt this _strongly_ for someone before."

"But you _have_ felt strongly?"

He rolled his eyes. _Women_.

"I amend: I haven't even _remotely_ felt what I feel for you, for anyone else. I mean I have had crushes but nothing serious."

"But you must have had girlfriends? I mean you are _thirty_." She played with the hairs at the nape of his neck.

" I always say that you make me feel _so_ young!" He muttered sarcastically. "What is this, Lupin interrogation?"

"Answer the question!" She slapped him playfully.

He sighed. "I had few... Mostly set up by Si- my friends."

"How many?"

He slowly let her go and urged her forward into water, his hand in hers.

"I had one in fifth year...don't ask her name because I don't remember it."

"How can anyone not remember their _girlfriend's_-"

"-_ex_-"

"-name." She said indignantly splashing water at him.

"She was not even a proper girlfriend, we just went two-three times on Hogsmeade dates and she had a weird name... Clemen-Clementia something."

"I have a weird name too." She pouted slightly and he sensed a slight nervousness beneath her teasing.

He splashed a hefty amount of water in return and she shrieked. He pulled her towards him.

"You, my precious, are unforgettable." He said pressing his lips to hers. She hummed slightly as a bit huge wave collapsed with them leaving them fully wet.

She pulled away and smiled. He tried not looking down her wet shirt.

"And?"

"And what?"

"More girlfriends?"

He sighed in exasperation. "Really Tonks...I had one in my seventh year... She was a Ravenclaw I guess... Her name was Dolly."

She giggled. "Dolly! _Really_?"

"Well, she was Lily's friend and she was the one to set me up. Apparently I was a hermit loner."

"That's it? Only two Hogwarts girlfriends?"

"Yes, I told you once I didn't have many. There was this one named Helena..."

"Sounds like a bar dancer name..." She muttered. No woman liked talking about their current partner's past and he could sense it in her even if it was only to a little degree, but yet they still deemed it necessary to know. _Why_ he would never know. Why ponder on something which only irritates?

"Well she did work in a bar, she was a waitress though… It didn't last long...all fun but nothing serious." He told her truthfully.

"Anymore girlfriends...?"

"Ah... I was wishing you wouldn't ask..."

"Why?" She asked a little apprehensively.

"There was this...girl...she was _beautiful_..." He said dreamily.

"Who?" She became more apprehensive sensing change in his facial expression.

"She..." He raised his hand, looking distantly at the sky as if drawing an invisible painting. "She was very kind and sweet...No matter how much I try not to think, she's always at the back of my mind."

"Who...who was- _is_ she?" She repeated; her voice growing very small as she dropped her arms from his waist.

He looked at her, making direct eye to eye contact.

"Nymphadora..."

"What...?" She had gone pale and looked fearful.

"Her name...her name was- _is_ Nymphadora."

For a while she blinked owlishly at him and he waited with baited breath for assault.

And indeed it came.

As realization dawned on her slow mind she shrieked, splashing all the water at him, flailing her arms madly. Hitting him occasionally on the chest.

"_You_. You... You scared me for a moment."

He burst out laughing. "It serves you right. Here I bring you to such a romantic place and you are digging up my boring dead past romantic endeavors. What could I have done?" He laughed above her indignant attack and finally managed to pull her towards him.

"For a moment I was scared out of my skin, you nearly gave me a heart attack." She calmed down while sagging into him. Placing her head on his shoulder.

They were drenched by now and he loved the feel of their warm bodies entangled.

"You have nothing to fear other than me... " He said quietly, rubbing her back.

"Shut up. What happened to romantic place and romantic mood? No morbid thoughts."She kissed him and he sank into her. He never really had experienced anything as exquisite as this. His past physical interactions had been nice but this was something else entirely. Add to that, the feel of her wet body and he was in heaven.

"I love you..." She whispered near his jaw and he shivered.

"Have you ever been in love before?" He smirked.

In answer she just kissed harder.

"Come on, I want to explore this whole place." She squealed excitedly running away from his arms in a blink. That girl was an electric ball of energy.

Later he dried them up and showed her every nook and corner of the place. Apparating her to cliffs to show her views from different angles. She made 'sand' angels as she called them and they spent the rest of the time learning about each other.

* * *

By the time Remus had finished (Sirius was sure he had left out the more..._intimate_ details), he could almost glimpse a shadow covering his friend's face. He kept staring blankly at the wall, his face impassive but his eyes flickering with pain.

He could perfectly understand how he felt. His once happy memories, the time spent with James and at Hogwarts, sent a piercing pain through his heart every time he thought about them. Especially when he realized that there was nothing, absolutely _nothing_ he could do to bring those times back.

"Dude, you are in love..." He finally concluded and wondered why he wasn't drunk yet.

Remus chuckled though happiness was farthest thing from his mind. "I have been for the past three years..."

"You look old Moony. How come she fell for an ugly old wolf such as you?" He attempted a joke.

Remus gave a wry smile, rubbing his stubble. "You are mistaken my friend. I have been told I have mysteriously beautiful eyes and smile." Sirius could see his hands shaking; something which rarely happened with Remus.

Remus bent over and opened a drawer on his table, pulling out a blank parchment almost reverently. He pointed his wand at it and murmured their password 'I solemnly swear I am up to no good.', as a picture appeared on the parchment.

Remus stared at whatever was in that picture, stroked it with his shaking index finger as he swallowed painfully. For a moment he thought he looked almost tearful. Wordlessly he passed the photo to Sirius.

Sirius almost didn't recognize the people in photo. It was a direct capture of an intimate moment; he could guarantee that he was probably the first person this picture had been showed to.

There sitting on the bed was a man with sandy brown hairs barely flecked with grey with a beautiful woman in his arms. The woman's back was pressed to his chest. He had his arms wrapped around her waist, covered lightly by the woman's hand.

It was obviously Remus and Tonks. Remus smiled first at the camera and then adoringly at Tonks, pecking her lips lovingly. The reason he didn't recognize Tonks was because of her hair. She had waist length chocolate colored hair, gathered in front. She blushed cutely whenever the picture Remus kissed her. They both were in their pajamas and it looked like they both had just woken up with sleep rumpled hair and clothes. Remus looked so young, as if his lycanthropy never happened. He was smiling boyishly like a young man in love. So far he had thought that Tonks was a chirpy woman, but if this picture was anything to go by, she had entirely changed. In picture she looked carefree with pure bliss etched on her face.

They were obviously very in love.

He looked from picture Remus to real Remus. He was slumped in his chair, leaning backwards, his eyes glued to the ceiling as he quietly sipped his firewhisky in huge gulps. Sirius didn't know if the watering in his eyes was due to the burning of the alcohol.

He placed the photo respectfully on the table. "Who clicked it?"

"Charmed...self-timed..." He mumbled.

"Why...?" Sirius asked. And he wasn't asking about the self charmed camera and Remus knew it.

He didn't bother looking at him, eyes still glued to the ceiling he answered. "Her career was just starting and I was beginning to become a burden on her. She never said anything. Oh she _never_ even realized it, but I did. Unknowingly I was becoming a financial strain on her while she had barely started training. Being with me was affecting her reputation; it would have affected her work... And she's a fantastic Auror… had she stayed with me, sooner or later those Ministry bigots would have discriminated against her. I couldn't destroy her new, blossoming life...so I left..."

"You left?"

"Mhm mm. She was sleeping one night and I left..."

Sirius stared with dumfound wonder at him. He couldn't believe his ears. "You mean, you didn't... You did not even _tell_ her that you were leaving?"

Remus finally looked at him. He looked broken and defeated. "She would have asked me to stay. And I for the life of it cannot _ever_ say no to her."

Sirius sighed in exasperation, a bit annoyed and frustrated at hearing all this. Remus had everything he wanted presently, mainly love, and he had thrown it away.

"You should have at least talked, _told_ her Remus that you were leaving..."

"She's young and very persuasive, she would have stopped me."

"Why does age matters so much to you? Now that I have got used to the idea of you two together, it doesn't seems so weird, you were happy after all. That's what matters."

Remus picked up the picture and muttered 'mischief managed' pointing his wand at it. The picture vanished and he placed it away.

"Perhaps, it wouldn't have mattered had I not been a werewolf or had I been a _wealthy_ werewolf. But have you ever heard of such thing? What mattered in the end was that I was old, poor and dangerous, a deadly combination if you ask me."

He shook his head. "Sirius you are filthy rich. If say, once your name is cleared and you go for a woman twenty years younger than you, no one will object because they know you have _capability_ and _means_ of taking care of her. Hell maybe her parents would happily give her hand in your hand. _Such_ is the power of money and health. One does not realize it until one loses it. It's no use pondering now though, she hates me."

Sirius couldn't contradict his statement. All the earlier interactions he had seen between Remus and Tonks; he had realized in some sub-conscious part of his mind that Tonks had never liked Remus much. Maybe he could talk to her...?

"And you both met now for the first time since you left?"

He nodded.

"It would be laughable if it wasn't so tragic."

Sirius muttered to himself and wondered why the Marauders were destined to be so doomed.

"I can't say if what you did was right or wrong but I can _understand_ why you did what you did." Sirius finally replied. He didn't know if there was anything he could do. After all he had heard the story from Remus; he hadn't been _there_ to witness the damage first hand.

The door creaked open and Harry Potter entered.

"What's up?" Sirius immediately asked looking at the disheveled yet fully awake boy.

"Can't sleep." He murmured.

"Join the group." Both Sirius and Remus spoke simultaneously.

Harry grinned. A rare smile which in return made both men smile back.

"Actually I was wondering if you could tell me about these." He said showing a book, that Sirius now noticed.

"It's album...of Mum and Dad... Hagrid gifted it to me in my first year."

"Oh yes I remember Hagrid owling me for pictures back then..." Remus replied as he surreptitiously glided the Firewhisky away while Harry seated himself on the bed.

Sirius again realized the unfairness of his life. He should have been there for Harry, showing him pictures of his parents and telling him the related stories. But looking at the boy, expectantly handing the album to Remus, Sirius felt his bitterness melt away.

And then began the reminiscing.

* * *

"Can you grow moustaches?" Sirius asked as he sauntered in the Library where Tonks was currently sitting on a sofa. In reply, she scrunched up her face and grew a rather bushy and elaborate moustache.

"_Now_ we look related." He said as he sat ungracefully in an armchair.

Tonks rolled her eyes, vanishing her newly grown facial hairs in the blink of an eye.

Now that he was sitting, ready to talk about something he shouldn't know about in the first place, he didn't know how to begin.

Better to be blunt.

"I know about you and Remus." He blurted out.

He saw how rigid she went, pausing mid-turn of a page, how blood fled her face. He just couldn't fathom the look in her eyes.

"Thanks for breaking it gently, Sirius." She finally said almost sarcastically as she relaxed a little. Going back to her files as if nothing out of the ordinary had been said.

_Damn!_ Now that he thought about it, Lily would have handled the situation better. She would have firstly lured Tonks into a fall sense of security by talking about random things of no importance. Then she would have changed the subject _very_ subtly, to her own love life. And then when Tonks would have felt completely at ease at her, Lily would have thrown out a discreet question such as _'So do you have someone in your life?'_ or 'Oh _come on, it is not possible that you have never fell in love'_ or something equally unobvious, which would have prompted Tonks into talking.

It wasn't that Lily had been deceiving. No, she had been cunning and knew exactly how to make someone talk about what they didn't want to talk about initially.

That was how she discovered most of James' endeavors, (both romantic and non-romantic) from _Sirius_, of all the people, by the way of various _accidental slip_.

"How-" He re-tried when he was cut off by an annoyed Tonks.

"I'd rather not talk about it." She said without even bothering to look up.

"I wasn't saying anything about it. I was going to ask how you have been doing."

"You just met me this morning." She snapped irritatingly.

"Why are you getting defensive?"

"I am not getting defensive, Sirius smarty-pants Black."

"You are."

"Am not."

"You are!"

"_Not_. Look we could go on like this for hours. Just like you don't like to talk about Azkaban, know that I don't like to talk about _it_."

Sirius grew absolutely silent and still.

"Did I say something wrong?" She asked tentatively when he stayed silent. Her face was still red faced from shouting.

"You just compared _your_ life with my best friend with _my_ life in Azkaban. Do you know what that means?"

He had been right. He felt more protective of Remus then he felt towards Tonks.

She sighed. "Look, I am sorry for bringing up Azkaban but just like I have no idea what you went through- I mean I have an idea but truly, only _you_ would know. Similarly, you too have no idea what I went through. You have only heard his side of story."

"Then tell me your side of story."

"Sirius please, I-I have moved on and there's no reason to dig up the past..."

"If you have moved on, then you should be able to talk about it. It shouldn't hurt."

"Yes, but I haven't forgotten how wretched I felt or how broken I was. I haven't forgotten my struggle. That _hurts_ to remember."

"Tell me about your happy times then, with him, they shouldn't hurt to talk about." He repeated. He wanted her to talk so that he can gauge her reaction. Remus was easy to read, especially for him (or only for him?), but was Tonks easy to read too?

"Why are you so insistence on getting me to talk?" She said in an exasperated tone.

"You still love him." He threw into the air.

It was almost as if spirit of Lyssa had appeared in front of Sirius. Tonks's eyes flashed with red and trembled with fury barely contained.

"Don't you _dare_! I do _not_ love him. Don't you dare try manipulate me, make assumptions about me..." She looked him right in the eye and spoke fiercely with angry tears in her eyes.

Sirius was too stunned to react but snapped out of his trance as she angrily got up.

"Hey Tonks, Listen I am sorry, sit down please." He himself got up and took her by shoulders.

She sat down reluctantly, breathing hard.

He sat down next to her. "I didn't mean to hurt you. I am sorry."

He had thought that she would falter when he had argued that she still loved him. But she had looked him straight in the eyes and made the proclamation without hesitation.

_Things might not be too bright for Remus…_

"I just thought that maybe you had no one to talk to... I mean I know we are not that close and I am not the first choice to talk with about such matters but then... Well..."

She relaxed completely. "What do you want to know?" She asked determinately.

"Er... It's okay; I mean if you don't want to talk..."

"No, you are right... I mean I am detached, there's no harm in remembering anything. It won't change anything."

"How about..." He thought hard. "It seemed to me, that you lived together... How did you make the decision to move in. I mean what brought that on?" He hoped that he hadn't picked up a painful topic.

She sighed. "It was an impulse..."

"Impulse?"

"Hmmm... It must have been late August..."

* * *

She knew she was almost skipping with each step. She couldn't wait to see Remus. She flung open the heavy iron wrought gates of the Orphanage and spotted him right away.

As she approached from behind, she saw him indulging James in a game of noughts and crosses.

"How can anyone lose noughts and crosses?" She asked from behind.

He turned to smile at her and her heart skipped a beat. "Apparently I can."

"It's jus' that I ave more brain then Uncle Remus here." James spoke cockily giving a childish smirk and they both laughed.

"Go now. You better do your homework. You defeated me five times now."

"You jus' don want to lose in front of your galfriend." He exclaimed daringly as he ran away, taking his notebook which they had been playing on.

Tonks laughed harder at the look of astonishment on Remus's face.

"How come he knows what is a _'galfriend'_ anyways? He's barely six." He said in disbelief.

"It didn't help matters that he walked in on us the other day." She smirked at him and leaned forward to place a kiss on his lips in greeting and also at his sweetness for humoring the boy. But just as she got near his lips, he pulled away.

"Not in front of the children." He glared playfully at her.

Something bubbled deep in her stomach at his statement; at the picture that popped into her mind as he said it. It was almost as if they were sitting in their small cottage, where she was trying to get naughty and he playfully scolded her to not to depict inappropriate behavior in front of _their_ children.

She settled for a peck on his cheek instead as her butterflies in stomach quelled down a little.

"There's some place I need to take you after this."

"Where?" He asked curiously.

She traced a small, barely noticeable scar near his left eye and answered:

"It's a surprise."

After a blissful hour with children, they found themselves searching for a secluded spot to apparate instead of visiting their usual coffee shop.

"How come you aren't pestering me to spill my surprise?"

He raised his one eyebrow at her. "I am good at curbing my curiosity."

"Hold me."

"What?"

"Hold me; I need to side-along you."

He stepped forward, his hands buried deep in his pockets, staring intensely at her, all traces of previous amusement gone. He encircled her waist with his arms and pulled her forward. She sighed inwardly. Her insides melted whenever he looked at her _that_ way. There was no way to describe it. It was a look a dying man would have for elixir of life; a starving man would have for food. It was a look of yearning, of craving, of avid longing and it almost put her in tears. Because she could see how much he had lost and _yet_ had found in her. He leaned forward and pressed his lips hungrily to hers. It was as if, if he didn't claim her right then and there, he would lose her forever.

"Is everything alright?" She whispered in concern. Something was amiss. She cupped his cheek and stroked his stubble.

"Yes." He gave a short answer and leant forward to kiss her again.

"If you kept kissing me this way, where will I bring determination, deliberation and damnation for apparaition?"

"It's destination."

"See, I am not coherent enough." He pulled away slightly.

"Take me."

And she apparated them.

Right into the middle of a flat.

"Where are we?" He furrowed his brows, as he left their embrace to look around.

When he turned to look at her she was literally bouncing with excitement.

"IT'S MY NEW FLAT!" She screamed and ran towards him, jumping right into his arms like a little monkey, wrapping her legs around his waist. He faltered for a moment but maintained a firm grip.

"Your flat?"She could feel his smile against her cheek. She nodded and hopped down.

"Mum and Dad gifted it to me. Today."

"Wow. Congrats Dora!" He beamed.

"You know, what this means? I mean it will be so convenient. What with my studies and training! I can come and go anytime I want without any questions from Mum and Dad. We can spend even more time together. And it's a Muggle community and the view from the window is priceless..." As she babbled on, she missed the look of fondness on Remus' face.

"Come on, show me your place." He ordered.

She took his hand and started. It wasn't very big but enough for two. She showed him the kitchen and wondered if it would ever really be used and realized that she was going to miss her mother's cooking. There was one huge living room and she told him how she planned to have a huge comfy sofa and a coffee table, a bookshelf and the decor for rest of place. She then showed him the bedroom and attached bathroom. She took him out through the door in living room to a small balcony.

"And this is my favorite part." She breathed in the fresh air and snuggled into Remus.

"It's beautiful... Not just the view but your whole flat… Tell me when you are moving, I will help you." He dropped a kiss on her head.

She turned to look at him.

"Sometimes I get so scared..."

"Scared?"

"Hmm... Whole my life had been uneventful and sort of...lonely... I never had many friends. I thought, I would be lonelier when I graduate...but _everything _changed. I qualified, I get this new place and more importantly I got you. And I realized that all I needed was one person to make me happy and you are that person."

He stroked her cheek with back of his fingers and she leaned in.

"I am so glad." He smiled but her suspicions were back. Something was off about him.

"Remus, what's wrong? I know that something is..." She asked in her best intimidating tone.

He sighed and stepped aside, leaning on the railings. He looked so tired, even though his transformation had been a week ago and the next was as far as it could be.

"Remus..." She murmured soothingly, placing her palm on his back.

"I was kicked out today." He gave a mirthless laugh. "Almost literally. I was unable to pay the rent of last two months."

She opened her mouth in surprise, all her excitement vanishing in that instant. He looked so sad and hopeless… And the most ironic thing of all: he had lost his home the day she had got a new one.

"I-I am so sorry. I had no idea..."

"Why are you sorry love?" He smiled at her reassuringly.

"Where will you go?"

"I don't know..." He looked away, lines on his forehead getting prominent.

"Where would you have gone tonight? Do you have a place for tonight?"

"No..."

"No? Remus were you even going to tell me?"

"I shouldn't be burdening you with such trivial things Dora."

She realized with horror that he looked ashamed.

She gaped. "_Trivial_? My boyfriend has no roof above his head and you call it trivial?"

"You shouldn't have a boyfriend who is homeless in the first place. You need a boyfriend who can pamper you with gifts and surprises..."

"You pamper me and I do _not_ need gifts and surprises. I need _you_." She spoke fiercely as she hugged him tighter. He relaxed into her embrace.

He rubbed her back."I'll figure something out."

"When? It's almost evening..." She felt herself panicking. Where was he going to stay even _temporarily_?

"Your father?"

"No." He stopped that thought quickly.

"But-"

"I said no." His tone held no negotiation. "There is always that bench in the park..."

She realized with alarm that he was _actually_ considering it. She could feel tears starting to sting her eyes.

He looked disturbed at the sight of tears.

"You are _not_ to waste tears on me." He wiped at them away.

"Waste? Why do you think so lowly of yourself?" She asked tearfully.

He kissed her instead of answering. He did that sometimes; she realized suddenly, sometimes to escape her questions regarding his personality or his condition.

"Stay with me." She said.

"Huh?"

"Stay the night with me."

"With you? Your parent's home?" He chuckled at the absurd idea.

"No silly. _Here_."

"You don't even have any furniture."

"We'll conjure mattresses, we'll sleep on the ground, we'll have takeaway and then we'll play noughts and crosses."

"I'd rather do better things." He raised his eyebrows suggestively and she was glad to see his eyes twinkling.

Her insides squirmed. "You'll stay then?"

"If it's no trouble… But wouldn't your parents be expecting you home?"

"I'll make something up. Don't worry."

"Thank you."She brushed his hair from his forehead and leaned up to kiss him.

"Don't mention it. And Remus?"

"Hmm?" He looked at her with that look again but this time with a smile.

"I'll move in by the end of this week...and you'll move in with me too."

That tiny smile vanished as if it had never been there. He pulled away gently but firmly, shaking his head.

"No...no..."

"It's only..._right_, the _next_ level, Remus... Don't overreact..."

"There are _so_ many issues with this that I don't even know where to begin."

"From the start." She implored wondering what _issues_ he would come up with.

"Firstly, it's too, _too_ early to move in... We have known each other for two months. It's way too early."

"What does that has to do with anything? I love you, you love me, that should suffice."

"Love is the primary factor in a relationship yes, but there are other factors too. We have just begun to learn, to know about each other, we should take things at its natural pace. We are not rushing, it would be an impulse."

"Our first kiss was an impulse too, do you regret it?"

"No of course not. But this is important. Living with each other brings responsibility which we may not be ready to bear."

"I am ready." She answered without hesitation.

"You are being hasty. Think about it. You were keen to leave your parent's because it was interfering with your own life. My being here with you, a _werewolf_ no less would be a greater interference, hindrance even. We both have different routines, of waking, of sleeping, of doing things different ways. It sounds good but it implies too much." He replied in a teacher-y voice. Why was he being so difficult?

"Don't patronize me Remus! I know what it implies. But isn't that what a relationship is? Adjusting for your partner's needs? It's what commitment is. Are you afraid of commitment?"

"I am not afraid and that brings me to second issue. Moving in, sooner or later, should be because we _want_ to, not because of obligation, not because I am homeless. The reason is entirely wrong." He looked frustrated.

"It's not charity, if that's what you are thinking. I love you and I want to be with you. Once my training starts I will barely be free during the day. At least this way we could be together. At least I will know that I am returning home to you."

"I-I don't like living on other's money. It would feel as if I am imposing if I can't pay rent for the place I am residing in." He admitted grudgingly.

"But I never will have to pay for rent. This is my place Remus. Love, please."

"What about your parents? How will they feel about this arrangement. Your living with a werewolf whom you have known for only two months."

"They'll have to know sooner or later and if you are not comfortable, they don't have to know right now. It's not as if they would apparate in the middle of the night into my apartment. I would be placing anti-apparition wards on the place."

"Speaking of nighttime, if we live together, what would be our sleeping arrangements?"

She blushed lightly at his implications. "We'll cross that bridge when it comes to it."

"I... Don't like it Dora, it's all happening way too fast for my liking."

"Don't you want to be with me?" She asked in a small voice.

"Of course I want to. I miss you as soon as I see you off...but..." He took her hands.

"See, I promise it is not because you don't have a place, trust me, I won't lie to you. I seriously want you to move in, please..."

"Please don't say _please_..." He sighed."Alright. But here's one condition. I'll stay as far as I cannot find a new place."

"But that's absurd. You mean to say if this arrangement is well enough, you'd rather move out than being with me."

"Why do you keep taking everything so personally?" He muttered and shook his head. "We'll see. We'll...see."

She sighed in relief knowing she had won. She hugged him. "Thank you."

"Thank _you_." He replied kissing her temple.

* * *

"That's how it happened... He never did find a place. Or maybe he did but he stayed anyway..." She spoke in such a monotonous tone...

Sirius had been expecting a tone of longing.

That he might see how she missed things as they were or some indication that all was not lost.

In the end he concluded two things: Either she really had moved on or she was really good at hiding her emotions.

There was no way to know.

"God I am late! Sorry Sirius got to go, I have a shift. Sorry for snapping at you earlier." She hurriedly picked up her stuff and ran out.

Why was he even attempting matchmaking? It was not his forte. But then he reminded himself the way Remus and Tonks had looked in that photograph. He would be a little happier if his best friend and cousin were happy, _together_. He had mucked up things for Remus years ago, he wanted to do something for his friend.

He might not be able to devise any cunning shrewd plan to aid his matchmaking but he would try his best to bring them together.

* * *

_A/N: And the night Remus stays in Tonks' flat is NOT the night I mentioned in last chapter (that happened much later), and they really did play noughts and crosses this time!_

_See, the error of their ways? They really were going too fast..._

_Anyways, it's amid my examinations that I am updating but my next update will be after a little more than a month, I do need to study after all..._

_**Guest**- Here's another chapter and I hope you enjoy this too. Thank you._

_**remusdora- **I am glad you are liking it, reviews are what encourage me to update even in between my exams. And no I don't think so that werewolf mission would play any bigger role._

_**PablosGirl **- The morning after scene is my personal favorite too. Thanks for your lovely review._

_**JKStorm501**- Thank you. I am glad you are liking it._

_**GinnyPotter6891**- You are right, English writing and speaking tend to differ a bit from country to country but fanfiction is definitely a platform that nevertheless brings people together who enjoy writing despite different languages. I am glad you liked the chapter._

_Reviews/favorites/follows are cherished and make me immensely happy! Thank you :)_


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